Shilah Writes

At what age, should girls know without being told, that after a meal the dishes have to be done?  Why am I still telling them?  We have lived without a dishwasher since moving into this old house, going on a year.  It's easier to just do them by myself.  I get so weary of giving direction.  When do they figure it out? Change of subject... Why do I think that all my time should be consumed with doing something worthy?  Why am I guilty taking a day off to read a book?  Why do I get on edge with uneasiness if I don't fill my moments with "the list" of things to do; Like, cleaning behind my fridge and stove, or inside the stove for that matter? Why must I be so motivated at all times?  Why has the art of rest escaped me?  I sit down to read or write and think of little sisters or friends that are in the baby\toddler stage and feel guilt.  I remember.  So to feel better for them, I make my list of things that need done and work at jo...

~ Sometimes, we look so hard for a better tomorrow; that we miss the beautiful in today... Today was Veterans Day.  My husband didn't have the mail route as a result.  I was all set for a day at home. Together. To work on projects here around the house.  That lasted about two glorious hours.  Then, he decided to go down to the ambulance barn and be of some use to that organization.   I had a choice.  Be happy for him on his day off.  He had plans to buy quality meat for the grill that he knew a buddy of his would enjoy grilling. He was excited about it.  It would've been easy to throw a baby fit, I have been known to do those kinds of things in the past; but I also had a bunch of school sale project that needed work and I've found things go better for us, if I hold my "needs" with a loose hand.  Something that I keep bumping into with life...  If everything happened according to my plan, say, everything went perfect with no problem...

As a young child, the subject of eschatology would bring fear to my heart with a grip as strong as anything I had ever felt.  What was worse, was the fact that I already, was strongly decided what I believed about the end of the world.  I was horrified, when an older cousin, after being newly married, came to our house one day for lunch, and made a joke about her new husband and her own differing opinion. She was saying, if he wanted to ride a white horse into heaven she wanted to be with him. Or something like that.  I was smitten with horror at her falling away from "truth" and the fact that she was OK with it.   Don't judge me.  I was little and trying to figure these things out. So, guess what I did?  I married someone who has differing opinions than myself how everything transpires at the end of time.  I was fearful still about not being agreed, but had peace with the fact that most people really don't agree on this subject completely, and the t...

I've been trying to wrap my mind around the fact of God's love.  We sing a song that says in my own words; God sent his own Son from heaven.  Not just heaven; a splendorous heaven.  A place nobody would ever want to leave.  And while doing this, God's son, Jesus, knew his own destiny.  He knew he would be rejected, hated, spat on, nailed to a cross; all these things, yet he still came anyway.   From very little, I've been told He did this for me.  If I was the only one in the world, he still would have done this for me. My brain cannot on it's own, understand how Jesus dying all those years ago, knew about me.  How, He not only forgave the present sins of the world, but the future ones as well. And personally forgave me my own? Unbelievable in my own strength..  Faith is the bridge it takes to fathom this.  Faith to believe what I cannot see.  An added bonus is the peace and strength that comes with faith.  It builds one laye...

It is particularly upsetting to me to be plagued with the feelings of insecurities I should be long over.  It has been said that you shouldn't worry about what people think of you, because they probably aren't.  Is that supposed to make a person feel better? I am learning a few important lessons on how to deal with insecurities in married life.  Things that I am sure many women learned much earlier than I did.  I am naturally overly sensitive to what other people think about us.  Added into the equation, is the fact that my husband is my opposite in this regard.  For the first fifteen years of our married life I wasted too much time in trying to fix, mend, and patch what I believed would help people think we really were good people. I think I was trying to help have my husband "praised in the gates".  Oh foolish heart of mine. Here's the simple basic things you already know.  Most of you do anyways.  You just don't have the guts to tell u...

Don't worry, I haven't totally lost my mind.  Just saying what's current in my little world... Snoopy has a hard life... He still gets roughly kissed by Shaunti each and every day.  When she's gone to school he mopes.  Here, he is in avoidance mode.  He's ticked that I cleaned the living room and piled cushions on his favorite spot.  He keeps looking over trying to decide if its worth the effort of jumping on the heap.  He decided it was better to walk out to the kitchen and think about it.  He's wondering when the mad cleaner woman will chill and go leave him alone to contemplate his complicated life.  Please come visit with me.  I finally dusted after you don't want to know how long.  Maybe back in August?  It cleaned up nice...             What I strive to do each day...  If you prefer we could sit here with a cup of hot cider and talk about nothing... That's fun too. M...

Today I sat in a dentist office and traveled to the Caribbean, Asia, and all over Europe.  Of course I was reading T&L magazine, but it is so well written with beautiful pictures and information about these places that one can imagine themselves actually there.  In France and Italy the prices for a simple, clean room cost about five hundred dollars or is  euros a more accurate term?  If I ever do get to go to Paris and see the sights I think I should plan on hiking and starving. Surely, I could afford a little french bread and some cheeses to sustain me for my journey. I think of all the places I've been.  Puerto Rico with all its beautiful sandy beaches and green, blue sea. The lighthouses, palm trees, and humidity all give the feel of truly tropical awayness.  The throngs of people on the small island have a way of bringing you back to reality around the time you begin to savor the moistness landing heavily on your skin. Chile, South America, One ...