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My Attempts to Love

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with the fullness of God...Eph. 3:19

I remember praying for love for others, because I wasn't getting along with them and because I wanted better results from our relationship.

This verse tho, leads me to believe that it's not about my ability to love others so much as it's my 1st priority to love Christ. If I know the love of Christ; I taste and feel the results of knowing in my everyday living. I react correctly to conflict. I don't retaliate or be defensive because my goal is to see how this helps me to know the love of Christ.

It does pass knowledge and understanding. The love of Christ digs deeper into my nothingness and need of Christs' power. "Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to the cross I cling" with everything. Those conflicts or relationships that are too hard for me are helping me to know the love of Christ.

And then, I am filled with the fullness of God...because …

The Things We Never Said

It is just our pride that smarts when someone takes a confession we finally became vulnerable enough to share, and then in response, interprets it completely in an 180*. 

It is just our pride that thinks all week of a retort to make back in a wish to set the record straight. Because...look at all those other people who heard what you said about me and how you put words into my mouth that I never said or felt. You sputter and think and retort and think and storm and thunder until you come back to... Well, your precious pride.

Pride is what makes us hurt when we are given advice we were not looking for. In my case, all three of these came in one fell swoop. I would love to tell you I learned something through it, that I came forth as gold, that I no longer smart, hurt, or sputter for proper understanding. But I didn't.

I did try to think it through though, in a logical way, something that doesn't come easily for me. And the more I tried to chase it down and forgive it an…

Crippling Leadership Worship

I am a little bewildered when I witness hero worship in adults. Christian adults using flattery and 'kissing up' is just so repulsive. I got to thinking about that and what causes it and why it's not OK and how a Christ follower should actually "be" when it comes to admiration of other human beings. 

As for causes, I believe it is our lack of direction and trust in our lives. We feel empty and search for meaning in what our brother or sister thinks. We seek approval for our empty feelings; we look for meaning from someone who has more authority or knowledge on a subject.

Audry Assad sings in I Shall Not Want:

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me, O God.

Yes, that explains the causes of hero worship best. We, ourselves, want to be admired and affirmed so we seek understanding, acceptance, and the company of others' beliefs.

God says: "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me". This is the command…

A Day in the Life

Morning comes. I have waited for it, sleep being a strange commodity these days. I methodically stumble through the darkened room, grabbing items for after my shower. It's been the same ritual for the past four years. Sometimes I find I still have my eyes closed, half way through getting ready for the day.

Still tip toeing around other sleeping members of the house, the coffee pot and kitchen calls me deeper into wakefulness. I read the verse of the day on my phone app as I sip the first taste of morning, then open my real Bible and read a little more something. It is always different since I prefer the bits of non schedule and general disarray of my devotional habits. There is enough schedule and 'by the books' in my day already. This morning time of coffee and Bible is too personal to make formal. 

My desk is still there, yesterdays quizzes needing put away, today's quizzes pulled. A scrap piece of paper has names with books needed from the shelves upstairs. I used to …

Don't Put Me in a Box

Maybe it's forty something years in me
Or maybe it just new found independence.
 Either way,
I find I don't fit in
Anyone's boxes.
I won't. I shouldn't.

It's not 
One size fits all.
I know my size
I see my flaws just fine.
Sometimes glaringly
Like monsters under my bed.

I'm working on it. 
I spend time with God too.
My ears hear you
But my heart has another thing going on.
Your thing is important.
Mine is too.

Both important things
Are best understood,
In the presence of Our Lord.
Instead of predicting, sorting,
Confusing the facts
With words...

Instead of turning the crank
On that jack in the box
And smashing it all back inside
With an arm poking out...
You can't figure me out
It's not your job.

I won't fit in your box 
But you need me.
We need each other
To understand and trust
That we have the same tools
Jesus, God, and The Holy Ghost.

Pray for me.
I pray for you.
We are not the enemies
Of each other.
We must look together
At the Author and Finisher
Of our Faith.

True Peace/ Love Holds

Peace on Earth goodwill toward men is an illusory thing at our house on a Sunday morning. Between the battle for a hot shower, who helps fix dinner, and who shovels the snow, peace sorta disappears in a "poof".

I sat down yesterday morning after trying hard to make all this a peaceful occasion, After all, it's Christmas...Why are we bickering about the simple and basic things of life? Why do we ever? How good it would be if we could get a glimpse of the non- importance of perfectly prepared meals, sidewalks, and hot water.

But that also is not reality. We love our creature comforts and practises which make our lives more convenient later. Just not every family has a mom that sits reeling afterward wondering how she can make them all be kind in application.

I take things too personal, or so I've been told. How to not? It is personal. They are my people. I have a deep connection with them...bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

But peace can be invented and tweaked like a ph…

A Rich Life

I started a blog post a couple weeks ago about how to deal with conflict but it got stale while I was trying to deal with my own. Meanwhile school sale projects and report cards and moving took over. Also with driving back and forth to Diamond Lake every weekend things got a bit hectic and I gave up on resolving the conflict in my life. Instead I decided to go with it and see what happens. This post is about what happens.

This was dawn at the lake house last weekend...I was only here one short night last week. Alone. I left the girls back at Bonners Ferry with friends...We also received news that day that someone wanted to buy our house and wanted us out by the 30th. 

Well then...That doesn't leave much time...we better get crackin...

SO we worked endless long hours this week trying to finish up moving to find out the deal fell through. Ain't life grand? It's all been a very good thing though...after one night of devastation and horror we awoke with great courage and faith th…