Shilah Writes

  I was going to write about memories today and why it seems the elderly want to sit and reminisce more than the younger generations. I was going to do a little research prior to this to help my musing on this subject and didn't find the time; guess I was too busy making memories that I can ask my kids about later. I will say to Shaunti, "Remember that day in February when you brought Kiana over for Bruce and I to babysit while you and Johnny changed the oil on your vehicle and ran into town. Remember how I fixed you healthy rice and sweet potato bowls with carrots and avocado and beef?  I really don't think so. It was a precious time, Bruce rocking Kiana while I baked valentine cookies, The dishwasher humming, the washing machine whirling, the two dogs chasing each other around the dining room table, Kiana grinning at them and giggling at our blowing bubbles on her.  Then I chopped vegetables for lunch before the diaper change and rocking her to sleep while Bruce ate his...

  On the Other Side of Today...                                                            I was putting the groceries away, thinking about my sister, April, with her son, Christian, sick in the hospital and their terrible night of transfers from one place of medical assistance to the next all through the night. She at home with the other kids, Jay, in his work clothes, no contact solution or toothbrush, the man of the hour to take Christian for help, and all the things that happen when things become emergencies. And how we do it? How do we keep calm and carry on and sleep and drink and eat when all normalcy goes out the window? I've had parts of my week that also came unglued, of which I cannot speak (privacy and respect and love sometimes deem it necessary) but I had to make a choice to stay glued while stuff fell apart. I don't thi...

  It is amazing what utter nonsense one can write when on a timer. I went to a neighborhood writer's club today and we wrote eight minutes on a timer with a prompt: A place you walk by every day.  That was the longest eight minutes of my life as I was writing among strangers in my honest, blunt way and sweating great drops of blood, dreading we might be required to read aloud what we had written. I should have checked first.  Of course the first thing that came to mind was the hoarder's house I pass every time I go over to Shaunti's and I really didn't want to write about that because a good part of the group was from my local little neighborhood of Diamond Lake, and what if it were one of their homes? Anyway, they were gracious and let me off the hook. They did come back to me and asked if I wanted to change my mind. And so I did. And I guess it wasn't anyone of their homes because they all knew the place and gave encouraging feedback to my meandering mind.  I gues...

  Today I went to Spokane with a friend. Coffee was bought two different times. Once at the beginning of our epic trip on the outskirts of Deer park, and the other on the way home. We both always get the 12 oz Americano with steamed cream.  She took me to a greenhouse nursery that I had never been before, we walked the dreamy aisles and talked about terrariums and how to make them. I met a Z plant, one I have never observed before. We smelled plants and the watering of them in the air and were made glad instantly. On to a thrift store where I found my daughter a glass container for her adventures in making Kombucha, a glass bowl for me, a mossy green pullover sweater that I probably didn't need but wanted. There were two books that I would have loved to have when I was a mom with littles. I bought them for a couple moms I know. In Manito park, we walked the Gaiser Conservatory where I took close up picture on my phone camera, for later usage of screen savers or some such thing...

  Monday's 20 minutes... I fast every Monday. I started this habit about 9 months ago. At first I did it for health and to balance the ole hormones and for however else the internet claims fasting benefits you. And then I listened to a podcast by Christy Wright called Get Your Hopes Up. She urged her listeners to try fasting because the Bible teaches it. One of her points was the fact that we are hyper focused on being obedient and disciplined in our walk with Christ, yet avoid fasting as much as possible and view it as outdated. She had a point. I did that whole things of excuses and avoidance. Regardless, I was curious. And I needed peace about something. And real answers. I started fasting for my soul instead of my body. Things I noticed: Hunger made me aware of how much void I felt in my spirit instead of in my stomach. I didn't discern the hunger difference between the two before. That hollow space of need wasn't actually as much bodily hunger as it was in recognizing ...

  Sunday morning...we're going home today... It's early. I woke up at 5. Made the mandatory cup of coffee, read my morning Psalm...can't quite stomach the old and new testament passages this early in the day. The overwhelm of goodness and memories make me freeze at the thought of the goodbyes. It can't go on indefinitely, I know. I wouldn't even want it to. Already, I'm craving a quiet moment and corner to call my own, where life goes back to normal. Things I will treasure forever from this weekend...The babies...Kiana and Seth.  Kiana, I have gotten to know well, as she lives round the corner from me. Seth at four weeks, I have squished and held and loved...that space is now established.  We wonder how we got here? And how did we not know how much fun this would be? Watching the kids become parents...sweet to behold...Having my Toria still to hold and hang out with, without her person...for a little while longer...off she goes to Germany again later this week.....

  I rarely include a question in the title, but this one is exactly how it feels to me on days I'm not sure if God is hearing me? I am the performer with a dead microphone...or am I? Please do, grab yourself a cup of coffee and join me in a few musings about prayers that God answers and those He answers in His own way...those prayers that seem others get answered but you don't...those kinds of musings. What to do with the strong emotions of those who have easily and freely what you so terribly want for your own? How to be genuinely happy for them and not in sorrow for you and your "loss" or whatever you want to call it. And how to still hold on to the peace and joy that is yours as you continue, faithful and steadfast, whether or not that thing is ever going to heal or be changed...maybe it feels completely abandoned and dried up, left for dead? I get to this same tree over and over. I find myself taking that same loop trying to find my way out of this (dense woods) g...