Shilah Writes

You have heard me preach about my noontime devils, besetting sins, or trials and temptations...You call them what works for you.  For many years now, I have realized them to be the things that took my eyes off Jesus and kept me focused on me-ism; floundering around gasping for air spiritually. The things I've named and asked Jesus to keep healing is self-pity, self-righteousness, and emotions and words of despair. He is healing me. But I am a work in progress. Praise God! Recently though, He brought one more to my attention...abandonment... I never before acknowledged this as one of the things that took my eyes off Jesus. But as I was standing in front of the mirror on Sunday morning combing my hair, Jesus whispered this word to me. Saturday had been a big, beautiful day outside. Spring was in the air. I was able to get actual stuff done with the help of my husband, a few of the children, and a grand baby to boot. But I felt extremely abandoned in it. We burned old branches, cut do...

 The continuing debt of love...I read this in the book of Romans this morning. This is what we owe each other.  This goes against human tendency and natural inclinations. Debt and owing something to others is binding. We aren't able to be free from it. A continuing debt is one that never ends or gets paid off. Only Jesus can do that for us. But His forgiveness of our sins doesn't take away what we owe to each other in the everyday. He wants us to experience His forgiveness of our sins but stay committed to His work through how well we love each other. Staying in debt to each other keeps us humble and kind. Grace then has a chance to soften our hearts and makes us keen to help lift the burden our brothers and sisters carry. I don't know about you, but I really struggle to love some days. So I imagine I am really far into debt on those days. All I can do is pray, Lord, teach me to love... and give me the ability and power and strength to focus on something other than the flaw...

  We finally have winter now that it is almost spring. It is really rather lovely and I don't mind at all. I do not appreciate fully the cold that came with it, as it was in the single digits this morning, but t he glorious sunshine pouring in the windows has been a very fair trade-off. I did a bunch of things that made my soul happy today. I drank my coffee slowly and in large quantities. I journaled and read my usual three Bible passages, an Old Testament, a New Testament, and a Psalm. Bruce had a soothing worship channel crooning in the background, which made it fitting to tell God about a few things on my heart. My Valentine/Anniversary flowers needed a refresh so I did that, lit a few candles, made a pumpkin coffee cake to take up when we go see Madi and Laife tomorrow, I clipped the dog's furry body and gave her a treat, I cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed the floors. And all this writing for the month of February is starting to feel like too much as I also have a couple ...

  We are back home after a much needed vacation. We hadn't even realized how desperately we needed one until we put our feet up and watched the flames in the fireplace and walked to the top of the hill beside the airbnb. To unwind and relax was real and important for two whole days and nights. Johnny and Shaunti and Kiana came home from Florida the following day. Kiana grew up in one week. We are currently babysitting while the parents went to hang out with the youth. Bruce was drinking his cup of cocoa and she took a dive for what was in the cup smacking her lips. Who gave her a drink out of a cup while she was away? How is she interested in that when all she knows is her mamas milk? Do tell! Laife sent a short video tonight of Seth dreaming and making noises while being held by his mama. They call him their little dinosaur for all his noises. I was helping Shaunti unpack this afternoon and we video called Tori so she could see Kiana and watch her baby squeals and kicks.  The...

       Today is our 29th wedding anniversary.  We are staying at a very nice airbnb and enjoying doing nothing but leisurely things.  There's a shower with a rain head that makes me feel like I'm in a tropical forest for some reason. And the tub to soak in is just my size. This morning, I finished my Jan Karon book in the tub while watching a bath bomb twirl and dissolve. I brought our coffee machine and chocolates and flowers. And my basket of journal, watercolors, Bible and computer. We've been talking and catching up and praying together. We are making some big life decisions and coming face to face with how we want to spend the next 29 years. I got a text this morning from a lady I clean house for with news that her sweetheart died in her arms yesterday,  on Valentines day. He has had a long hard fight with bone cancer. I told Bruce and we both cried. Separation of lasting love has got to be the most devastating thing. We took a walk on the old rai...

  I woke up at 4:30 this morning. Not ideal, but I felt rested. I lay there for a half hour thinking about my niece, Maurita and Conner, her husband. Yesterday, a horrible thing happened to them and their young family. He was electrocuted while on a job site. I can't even begin to comprehend what all that entails for them and their two precious boys. We are praying for them. That helps us and them. My sister, April, switched places with Jay today so that she could go home and be mom to the other kids at home, namely, Jase, who had a fever this morning. Christian was going to be released but that was put off at least another day. The list is so long of things to feel bad about and pray for, sickness, and accidents, people traveling, losses... so much grief to wade through. On the flip side. Life is still beautiful. Coffee and Jesus every morning, a workout and getting stronger, a face time with grandboy, the mom and dad...baby Seth is growing fast...handsome little feller... I payed...

  I was thinking about how my words of wisdom as a mom can feel sometimes like blowing into the wind. I get the same "Oh mom", after they hear me preach the same sermon the 1000th time.  I really just can't help myself. Especially when it truths about God I want them to know deeply within their heart. I will preach about my battle song and how being thankful changes everything...because I have found it to be true... Often, I don't even get a response when I sermonize. That usually silences me as quickly as anything, as I really don't like talking to the air and space. Then, I shut up and pray a little. And try to practice what I preach about love and forgiveness. So Mom, this is for you.  I want you to know that I heard you say when someone was "playing God" and sing "God is still on the throne" when they got too forward thinking about science and life or politics. I know the smartest way to shut down gossip is to take your stance of, "le...