Shilah Writes

  This morning in church I wrote down a bunch of words the resurrection stirs in my heart: Fresh/Clean New/Renew Spring/Refresh Young/Tender  Baby/Fragile Light/Life Hope/Love We sang songs of rejoicing and praise and heard a message about victory and a reading of thoughts from Nicodemus's perspective. Yesterday the little kids and their mom's had a resurrection garden party and they made these little gardens out of terra cotta pots and rocks and mosses. I love how the celebration of Easter gets us all involved in real and tangible ways. As real as sticks and stones that kids can touch and imagine the cross and the tomb where Jesus lay. Feathery mosses and new young plants depicting new life...to touch something real that helps one to understand the meaning of...priceless. And again, this year, the Jeremy Camp song..."the same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives in us" A thought I can not seem to fully grasp. I want to. Lord, help my unbelief when it all looks s...

I started a little side thing over on Substack.  I don't think I'm up and coming enough to know how to use it tho. The last couple weeks have been filled to the brim with cleaning jobs and rethinking what "Home" means. We are Downsizing and minimalizing and reconfiguring what is usual to homing in most people's minds. So anyway, Many Looming Questions: When the kids are grown and move away and have their own lives... How do I let go of the life we made and nurtured for them? Did I really believe the things I taught them as super important? Then why am I not here to finish properly? Or did I? Am I? Why do I feel guilty in leaving? Is it human thoughts, 'normal' goals, and expectations that keep me from completely relaxing and being on board. Pardon the pun... Will I go bonkers, tiny living on a boat? And in a container home in Arizona? Why do we make many ideas of what is normal and culturally acceptable? And let them be our great measuring stick? Anyway. M...

You have heard me preach about my noontime devils, besetting sins, or trials and temptations...You call them what works for you.  For many years now, I have realized them to be the things that took my eyes off Jesus and kept me focused on me-ism; floundering around gasping for air spiritually. The things I've named and asked Jesus to keep healing is self-pity, self-righteousness, and emotions and words of despair. He is healing me. But I am a work in progress. Praise God! Recently though, He brought one more to my attention...abandonment... I never before acknowledged this as one of the things that took my eyes off Jesus. But as I was standing in front of the mirror on Sunday morning combing my hair Jesus whispered this word to me. Saturday had been a big, beautiful day outside. Spring was in the air. I was able to get actual stuff done with the help of my husband, a few of the children, and a grand baby to boot. But I felt extremely abandoned in it. We burned old branches, cut dow...

 The continuing debt of love...I read this in the book of Romans this morning. This is what we owe each other.  This goes against human tendency and natural inclinations. Debt and owing something to others is binding. We aren't able to be free from it. A continuing debt is one that never ends or gets paid off. Only Jesus can do that for us. But His forgiveness of our sins doesn't take away what we owe to each other in the everyday. He wants us to experience His forgiveness of our sins but stay committed to His work through how well we love each other. Staying in debt to each other keeps us humble and kind. Grace then has a chance to soften our hearts and makes us keen to help lift the burden our brothers and sisters carry. I don't know about you, but I really struggle to love some days. So I imagine I am really far into debt on those days. All I can do is pray, Lord, teach me to love... and give me the ability and power and strength to focus on something other than the flaw...

  We finally have winter now that it is almost spring. It is really rather lovely and I don't mind at all. I do not appreciate fully the cold that came with it, as it was in the single digits this morning, but t he glorious sunshine pouring in the windows has been a very fair trade-off. I did a bunch of things that made my soul happy today. I drank my coffee slowly and in large quantities. I journaled and read my usual three Bible passages, an Old Testament, a New Testament, and a Psalm. Bruce had a soothing worship channel crooning in the background, which made it fitting to tell God about a few things on my heart. My Valentine/Anniversary flowers needed a refresh so I did that, lit a few candles, made a pumpkin coffee cake to take up when we go see Madi and Laife tomorrow, I clipped the dog's furry body and gave her a treat, I cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed the floors. And all this writing for the month of February is starting to feel like too much as I also have a couple ...

  We are back home after a much needed vacation. We hadn't even realized how desperately we needed one until we put our feet up and watched the flames in the fireplace and walked to the top of the hill beside the airbnb. To unwind and relax was real and important for two whole days and nights. Johnny and Shaunti and Kiana came home from Florida the following day. Kiana grew up in one week. We are currently babysitting while the parents went to hang out with the youth. Bruce was drinking his cup of cocoa and she took a dive for what was in the cup smacking her lips. Who gave her a drink out of a cup while she was away? How is she interested in that when all she knows is her mamas milk? Do tell! Laife sent a short video tonight of Seth dreaming and making noises while being held by his mama. They call him their little dinosaur for all his noises. I was helping Shaunti unpack this afternoon and we video called Tori so she could see Kiana and watch her baby squeals and kicks.  The...

       Today is our 29th wedding anniversary.  We are staying at a very nice airbnb and enjoying doing nothing but leisurely things.  There's a shower with a rain head that makes me feel like I'm in a tropical forest for some reason. And the tub to soak in is just my size. This morning, I finished my Jan Karon book in the tub while watching a bath bomb twirl and dissolve. I brought our coffee machine and chocolates and flowers. And my basket of journal, watercolors, Bible and computer. We've been talking and catching up and praying together. We are making some big life decisions and coming face to face with how we want to spend the next 29 years. I got a text this morning from a lady I clean house for with news that her sweetheart died in her arms yesterday,  on Valentines day. He has had a long hard fight with bone cancer. I told Bruce and we both cried. Separation of lasting love has got to be the most devastating thing. We took a walk on the old rai...