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Heart Cries

Heart full of quiet, pain, and joy,
Stuff you can't put into words,
But wish you could for fear of bursting.
Saying it though, makes it redundant and Why?
Why clutter up someone's mind
With things WE ALL get to Do? And Be?

Scared after the fact. I was brave during. 
Five days for soakage. And then I realize,
I don't know. I don't know anything. But I feel;
I always feel. Too much. And then I don't know,
What is real? How much is exaggeration?
What if I'm being a drama queen? Really? Me?

And everyone smiles cuz they know,
I am that. But that I do strive for truth.
Thrown against the wall of self defense;
I break and reality speaks these words...
'Humbleness'... 'Kindness'... 'Merciful in judgement'... 

I go to Jesus. Counselor, Healer, Holder of the future.
Reality Checker, Heart Tester, Mind Clearer...
He's got it covered. All is how it should be...
In the finest pair of hands. 

I let it there...
All I have to do is today. Only today...
As humble and kind …

Stop Trying to Fix Things

It's tough, when writing is the only way you know how to process. It feels rude to make yourself feel better by writing down thoughts from the week's events. I mean, who even cares? 

I thought about that Monday and Tuesday in the hospital with Bruce and I also thought about how every single one of our "people" have their daily garbage to dump as well and don't. Probably they don't anyway. If they do, I don't hear it.

 I thought about how much we hold much we actually don't share in this "share all" world and it made me sad. I don't know why...

 I think maybe its because so much of life has turned into comparisons. It seems like if you open up and become vulnerable to someone about your current struggle, they dig down a little deeper into their own can and try to bring out a bigger more important struggle to compare. 

I don't like it at all. I don't gather the courage to share my sorrow with a person so they feel compelled …

I Need or Not

A need is a curious thing. I discovered this recently when I told someone there was a great need for something{and I truly thought there was}but this certain individual didn't think there was. Like at all. Instead there was this great blank stare.

Which is super frustrating when you are working with people and you know something isn't right and you see how it could be fixed by simply taking care of the need at hand and you say so and... Nothing. I mean Nothing. In which you want to scream, " I don't ask if I don't need, see...and so I asked and so I need."
So how do you tell if its a want or a need and does it make a difference to know which struggle is going on in your heart? I don't completely know the answer but I think the biggest difference between a want and a need is in my attitude.
 Probably when it comes right down to it, even a very specific need can be looked on as a want or as personal gain when you are working with others and if you are not the B…

Happy New Year

I was reminded recently of how slaves in the state of Texas didn't know they had been freed until two and a half years after the Emancipation Proclamation had been signed. It is thought to be the fault of the slave owners. I suppose they thought if they kept their mouths shut, life would go on the way they were used to.

How often do we forget we have been freed spiritually? Do we live like we are freed or do we put ourselves in safe boxes where we behave and do only the things that are expected of us? Do we put limitations on our abilities because we do not claim ownership of our freedom?

I think that I am guilty of this. For the longest time, especially while growing up, I tried to hide my love of writing because I felt shame that I couldn't really write. In my world there was scoffing  toward people that loved the arts in general, so admitting that I was one of those who had fluffy dreams of making a living writing best sellers was ludicrous. And it worked too. I hid my writin…

Let It Be Your Story

Do you ever feel you are on the outside looking in?Like everything in life is a great big picture window and that you can see all the good things inside the room from the outside but no matter how hard you press your nose against the glass you just cannot quite become a part of the things you see going on inside the window?

I do. I know a lot can be said for those who have been brought up going to church every single Sunday and also on Wednesday evenings for prayer meetings. I know it is a blessing in belonging to a local body of believers, after all there is something wonderful about belonging.
But belonging can sometimes make us feel exclusive and premier like we have special dibs on the goodness of God. Or maybe we are more prone to becoming sweetness spoiled like too much candy in one place. Maybe we think we deserve special privileges and benefits because we are loyal church members. Could it be we think we know more accurately what Jesus taught than those outside our local church?

Time for Quiet

Yes, it is time for quiet but it is also very unlikely that it will happen. What should a person do when the world comes crashing in and takes over every fiber of their being?

This desire to be quiet, is not such a bad thing in of itself, but hold it too tightly and it can make you feel like a tight-fisted Scrooge, especially this time of year. 

Sometimes the striving created to find quiet and peace has the opposite effect; better to learn to embrace the chaos and anticipation along with every little boy and girl. Even the sugar cookies with the messy frosting and sprinkles that will scatter everywhere...that you will be wiping off the kitchen floor for the next month...They too are part of what you are better off embracing. 

Dear Mommy, do I have to?

It comes to this. You can find quiet and calm wherever you so choose. It can be found knee deep in the clutter of laundry and dirty dishes. Or it could be in those hours of sleeplessness when you so desperately need sleep. That was my dilemm…

30 Days of Thanksgiving...Week 4

Nov 20
I've been thinking... we should be thankful for our differences. Diversity is what keeps us growing, learning, and stretching. Having to practice grace when we ourselves do not understand how that certain someone can tick that way or behave in such a manner...that is when we learn to use our differences to the glory of God. And thank God we all have something a little unique of our own to bring to this thing we call "living".

Nov 21
For the gift of compassion. To mourn with those that mourn and to rejoice with those that rejoice. Yes, all this while not taking on too much of the pain of the others' struggles so much that you cannot bear it. Trying to remember it isn't my job to change or soften the struggle. My job is to stand alongside and just be there while God gives the strength to walk through. His Power...He has given us everything we need for life and godliness...2 Peter 1:3

Nov 22
For the generosity of people...A turkey was put on my desk... one of my s…