Ten Days Without a Phone

 My good friend, Emily, over at mrs.emilymiller.substack.com challenged me to use the opportunity without a phone as a self-improvement thing...see what a phone fast does for you and give report of that to us.

I am sad to report that I'm still not sure if there was any self-improvement and what it was, or if I benefited from this experience. I suppose the most shocking thing in all of it was the helpless and bereft feeling I had the whole ten days.

That feeling began the moment I realized what I had done. How it happened: I was returning a rental car in Baltimore at 4:00 a.m. I had conquered the strange unpredictable PA roads for three days, navigated the toll system, figured out where to fuel up the car and leave it in the parking garage. Feeling quite successful for four in the morning...we, my daughter and I, grabbed our few bags, locked the car, and walked toward the deposit box for the key and the shuttle waiting for us to take us over to the airport for our six o' clock flight.

The minute I dropped that key into the deposit box, something felt off. I reached for my phone to check on our flights and look at messages. Not there where it always is...where I always put it. We were ten feet from the shuttle bus when I realized my phone was in the car, center console, right where I placed it at 2:30 a.m. when we left our apartment. I started back toward the deposit box to see if there was any personnel in the vicinity. We had a little time but not much. Nope nobody. And Nextcar did not open till 6. Exactly when our flight was to leave.

There was nothing to do but to get our flights. Thankfully, my daughter had our boarding passes on her phone so it was no problem whatsoever making our flights and they went off without a hitch. By midmorning, Nextcar had contacted Bruce and they had already made arrangements to ship it to me. But we were forewarned it would take a week. That was ok. At least it was safe and sent.

Things I noticed, learned, and realized? 

That first day in airports, I read a book from Tori's Kindle...a first time reading from a Kindle for me. I was thankful for the diversion but missed paper pages, the smell and bent corners where I mark my page, and the comfortable coffee cup rings I sometimes find in my favorite books.

I people watch a lot at airports and overhear conversations semi on purpose because I find it good fodder for my writer muse, but without a phone I was definitely more aware and keen. I also was more bored, nervous, and chattered unnecessarily to Toria. Of this I felt out of control. I needed some kind of comfort and solace in conversation and relationship, more so than usual. 

I was not prepared for the freeing I felt not having to check messages or be notified for every event. I have most of my notifications turned off already just because I like to be boss of my own time, but this was even more so. I lost track of what my church family was up to, especially the ladies, and truthfully, that left me feeling a mix of relief and guilt. Because who doesn't get tired of planning and committees and the busyness of our hostessing, organizing, and cleaning? Ignorance is bliss in some cases. Except when you are needed and do want to help. And don't want to be classified as lazy or uncaring.

Which leads to fear of man...or whatever you want to call it. Now that I have Instagram back, via my phone, I haven't posted one thing. And after being off social media ten days, I've lost my urgency to post or be known or to be read and relevant. Am I trying to get praise and glory of man with my writing and posting my stories on Instagram? I didn't think so, but why am I enjoying this time off so much? I wonder from where was the urgency coming? 

I've lost track of time. I think that's why. I've been off my good friend and platform on which to tell my stories since the beginning of April and here we are getting towards the end. I feel a little more rested. The noise of life is quieted. People and their many opinions are still precious to me but being away from the constant roll of them, has quieted my soul.

I went to the garden more. And planted seeds. And raked the ground. And picked up rocks and their babies. I burned some old rubbish/wood/weeds. I noticed the walk I was on more than when I had a phone camera to document everything. I heard the birdsong better. The sirens flying by on our busy road led me to praying for whoever was in trouble. I used to do that better when Bruce was working as an EMT. Now, I try to listen to Spotify podcast or music when I'm outside, to dull down the noise of the highway. When you have no Spotify in your head you might actually hear nature and real life.

I would love to report that I recommend we all go off social media and leave our phones behind more often. I don't. I really do kinda like having my phone and all its apps, gadgets, and tools. But I think when you lose yours for awhile, you'll find places that could be prioritized and tweaked. It might even lead to some soul searching and minimizing. Less is more... its a concept I am loving more so since I took off the ten days with out all the conveniences and knowledge the internet provides.

I don't know how to end this. because I will probably post to my Instagram that I wrote this. And I don't know if I'm ready. Oh, the plague of being a writer and trying to not need to write. Anyway, I am curious to whether or not I should do a phone fast at least once a year? But maybe not leave it in a rental car all the way across the country next time.