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Showing posts from January, 2018

Heart Cries

Heart full of quiet, pain, and joy,
Stuff you can't put into words,
But wish you could for fear of bursting.
Saying it though, makes it redundant and Why?
Why clutter up someone's mind
With things WE ALL get to Do? And Be?

Scared after the fact. I was brave during. 
Five days for soakage. And then I realize,
I don't know. I don't know anything. But I feel;
I always feel. Too much. And then I don't know,
What is real? How much is exaggeration?
What if I'm being a drama queen? Really? Me?

And everyone smiles cuz they know,
I am that. But that I do strive for truth.
Thrown against the wall of self defense;
I break and reality speaks these words...
'Humbleness'... 'Kindness'... 'Merciful in judgement'... 

I go to Jesus. Counselor, Healer, Holder of the future.
Reality Checker, Heart Tester, Mind Clearer...
He's got it covered. All is how it should be...
In the finest pair of hands. 

I let it there...
All I have to do is today. Only today...
As humble and kind …

Stop Trying to Fix Things

It's tough, when writing is the only way you know how to process. It feels rude to make yourself feel better by writing down thoughts from the week's events. I mean, who even cares? 

I thought about that Monday and Tuesday in the hospital with Bruce and I also thought about how every single one of our "people" have their daily garbage to dump as well and don't. Probably they don't anyway. If they do, I don't hear it.

 I thought about how much we hold back...how much we actually don't share in this "share all" world and it made me sad. I don't know why...

 I think maybe its because so much of life has turned into comparisons. It seems like if you open up and become vulnerable to someone about your current struggle, they dig down a little deeper into their own can and try to bring out a bigger more important struggle to compare. 

I don't like it at all. I don't gather the courage to share my sorrow with a person so they feel compelled …

I Need or Not

A need is a curious thing. I discovered this recently when I told someone there was a great need for something{and I truly thought there was}but this certain individual didn't think there was. Like at all. Instead there was this great blank stare.

Which is super frustrating when you are working with people and you know something isn't right and you see how it could be fixed by simply taking care of the need at hand and you say so and... Nothing. I mean Nothing. In which you want to scream, " I don't ask if I don't need, see...and so I asked and so I need."
So how do you tell if its a want or a need and does it make a difference to know which struggle is going on in your heart? I don't completely know the answer but I think the biggest difference between a want and a need is in my attitude.
 Probably when it comes right down to it, even a very specific need can be looked on as a want or as personal gain when you are working with others and if you are not the B…