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Insecurities of Life... Still?

It is particularly upsetting to me to be plagued with the feelings of insecurities I should be long over.  It has been said that you shouldn't worry about what people think of you, because they probably aren't.  Is that supposed to make a person feel better?

I am learning a few important lessons on how to deal with insecurities in married life.  Things that I am sure many women learned much earlier than I did.  I am naturally overly sensitive to what other people think about us.  Added into the equation, is the fact that my husband is my opposite in this regard.  For the first fifteen years of our married life I wasted too much time in trying to fix, mend, and patch what I believed would help people think we really were good people. I think I was trying to help have my husband "praised in the gates".  Oh foolish heart of mine.

Here's the simple basic things you already know.  Most of you do anyways.  You just don't have the guts to tell us thick-skulled newbies the truth.  Don't worry, I probably wouldn't have listened if you had tried.  I'm slow about these matters.  Shall I say already?

How to handle extended family events: - work days for a sibling
-family reunions
-family vacations
Also how to deal with comments made to yourself concerning your husbands decisions or character.

The family event thing was a big deal to me living here with my family because I thought I knew what my family expected of us for a financial burden or a work day of helping each other or maybe even trying to plan a camping trip. I also knew that my husband wasn't going to fit into any box, especially if he wasn't involved in the planning.  So, I would try to get all the information to him and prime him for what I thought was expected of him.  Don't think for a minute this is easy to admit.  I'm only saying this stuff because I think it's important to know as early as possible in marriage.

The comments people felt free to share with me concerning my husbands decisions about life: building a new house, selling a new house, how many children we have, how he handles money, etc... those kinds of things.   I blame myself that they felt comfortable to say these things to me about my husband.  I was saying things I shouldn't have been saying obviously to give them the freedom to tell me what was wrong with my husband.  

What I am doing about it now?  It take it to my Lord and then to my husband.  I ask God for wisdom how to promote peace in my home and how to inform my husband respectfully about the family event that is in front of us.  Husband now has the information. What he does with it, is going to be OK with me.  I will not try to sway him at all how I think he should do, unless he asks. If he asks my opinion, I will tell him with as few as words as possible. Once, because believe me, I probably have three opinions. Then, go in peace.  Whatever comes out of it, you can be at peace because you did what God asks you to do and because He gave you a man that will take very good care of you, if you will only get out of the way of letting him.

About the disrespectful comments?  Forgive them. Extend grace.  Sometimes, you might have to share them with your husband to sort through the truth.  Sometimes, its good to let it go no further.  Love covers a multitude of sins in this case. Remember God made your home a unit.  You are to make your decisions together without the help of mom and dad or brother and sister.  It's called leaving and cleaving.  It's letting go of how you know your family would view these things. Be behind your man whether or not others would do it his way.  You chose him.  Have faith that God's way works.  Don't give into fears of what the family will say or think.  God is only concerned that I submit to my husband and that I give him the trust to lead our family as he feels God is leading him.  

Simple, yet I spent years trying to crack the code. I can testify to the peace and freedom I have since figuring this out. If this is still in any  way ambiguous, feel free to ask me questions.  Not that I can give you any answers.  :)  God can though.  That's where I got mine.


  1. And where is your creative writing page? I so enjoyed those! My one escape to story land. My one piece of chocolate so to speak...... Gimme back my chocolate!!!!!! I don't think you're the only one that took forever to crack the code btw. Sometimes the code has to be reworked even after it's been cracked because we're all always metamorphosing....and to stay on top of it takes work and good choices.... But then again it's possible we're both late bloomers as we're related and all....

  2. I suspect you are right! Either way, nobody would tell me what to do to grow up. So now I just gotta tell everybody else... :)

    1. The creative writing page is still here. I just didn't know if it was being read so decided to give it a rest for a couple days. The Tales From the Yarn Shop are supposed to be bits of chocolate with a gentle nudge of growth. I feel defeated as a writer after reading Luci's blog and she is such a natural and says no way. Why do I bother? Why does it make me happy to write gibberish?

  3. Lucy has a way with words. You have a way of creating chocolate and gentle nudges and building ambiance. You're a book writer. Luci writes good articles. I would buy a book of her articles and a sweet novel from you. Hmmm whatever. I would buy both of your books. You're both writers!

  4. So. I came over here to read your blog, Mrs. Hartman. And I find that I am being talked about!! So funny. :)

    Why did I never read your blog before? That's right. There's So Much. And you are not on FB, so I don't get these direct links that take me where I want to go. And I don't do feedly and all those things, so.....

    I love your little side thingy that has your blog favorites. I need some tech help if I am ever to blog in earnest.

    But anyway....I love this post! Believe me, I know all about insecurities-and marital ones too! But see? This post has a point. You give some GREAT helps. I'm learning (some of them) ever so slowly too. I'd say your best line is the one about how, if asked your opinion, you try to give it in as few words as possible. YES! I just think I can't cut back on what comes out sometimes. It's easy to dismiss it as "just me", but I am really, really working on it. All that extra nudging and nagging and whatever is SO counter productive.

    So thanks. Keep writing! I must get going with my day, or I would stay and read longer.... :)

    1. Oh dear, poor you to come over here and see us talking about you. But we were saying good things so that counts right? You haven't seen my blog before probably because I am not in the the fb life and twitter and all that. I have had it pointed out to me that blogging is no different but to me it is. Anyways, thank you for the encouragement and I really do think you are a natural. Come back and visit anytime. :)

  5. Shilah, you have spoken truth. I know I am ever-learning! Thank you.

  6. Know that you were not alone in your 'struggles'!! I can empathize...the whole way!! :-) Not sure how I missed some of these 'blogs'...they are good!!

  7. ...oh, and am trying to figure out the 'gibberish' between you and Amy about a 'creative writing page, chocolate...etc'... Do you have another page that I am missing? :-)


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