Shilah Writes

We are good and proper quarantined. I'm pretty sure. Fact is, I'm on my third slight cold with symptoms of COVID-19. I've probably been asymptomatic once or twice by now. Anyway, I think we should get back to living. I'm tired of worrying that I have it or am giving it to someone unbeknownst to all. I keep thinking about the slaves in Texas that were oblivious to their freedom two and a half years after the fact because they were never informed of it. Their owners kept them in the dark on purpose. I hope that isn't the case nationally with the coronavirus. For that reason, I am thankful for our rabid social media. There is no chance of missing an important notification these days. Or is there? I told my mom on the phone recently of my glorious peaceful week. "How did you do that?" she asked. "I didn't listen to or watch the news." I answered glibly, and then we both laughed because ignorance sometimes IS bliss. In other n...

I have a friend who is talented at finding the good in others. Most often their first response to what seems like unusual behavior is acceptance and sometimes even admiration. I also have a friend who is talented at finding fault with people and situations and defining exactly how they or it should change, perform, or repent. Is one or the other right or wrong? I know the person I'm more likely to enjoy is the one whose first inclination is to be accepting, kind, and sees that I am making an effort to work through my problems and character flaws. If I open up to someone and confess my shortcomings I for sure don't want it thrown back in my face later. If I open up and confess, it's because I trust that they will believe the best about me and help me pray through to growth. But there's a place for everyone. Both kinds of people are useful and needed. I value the friend that is able to see things from a sharp perspective too. They are more painful to be aroun...

It's the time of year when you feel you are missing something.  Is it someone's birthday? Some family member or friend maybe?  Your brain is foggy trying to peel away layers of winter and ice.  Sporadic burst of energy hit as the sun moves in and out behind spring clouds.  Your mind feels alert, then dulls as gray merges with bright white. Fingers itch for the feel of cool earth Nose twitches with the smell of green Emerging buds on nearby living plants. Ears are tuned to the honk of geese and cry of the loon As they float and fly nearby over misty waters. Thawing after winter is slow hard work.  Fingers are rusty with lack of tap tap tapping out the words  Frozen up in my heart. I learned a lot this winter. About life and marriage and being steadfast in both. My feet still go through the ice in places; I struggle to find my footing and solid ground.  My words are stuck to the roof of my mouth.  The t...

Tackling a few hard things today...because it Monday and I can. Do you know, the harder I try to sort out life without writing things down, and the harder I try to be all mature and deal with things as they come without analyzing... like I assume most people do... the worse it gets! It's like trying to unravel the biggest ball of tangled yarn. Impossible. I'll start with loneliness. I think surely it is a foreign word to some. I myself never knew what it meant until I got so busy trying to keep up while teaching school. I learned its true meaning in those years because I simply did not have the luxury of time and coffee chats and spaces of empty in which to meander away the hours in thought and meditations or even in listening. Every allotted moment was figured out for me. Anyway...it appears it can become a habit. Because once I was in the habit of not talking to people as much, just staying busy was easier. Even after coming home. It became too exhausting to try to ...

I'm not gonna lie. I panic sometimes. And when I do;  I forget what I know. Everyone has a weakness at some point. Panicking might not be your weakness but you have one; so don't judge. Or you can if you want. I don't care. My quest here is to be honest and real about living for Jesus. If I were perfect I wouldn't need Jesus. So there you have it. Honesty requires very little judgment. What I panic about is random and varied. Recently, while sitting in a counselors office, our counselor told me that when I am triggered to panic {as he noticed I am apt to do in my relationship with my husband} that my goal in that moment is walk into Jesus arms...and Jesus focus. In that moment fill me up with Jesus by remembering I am whole and complete and already accepted. I don't have to try to win my husbands approval or get it right...I already did when Jesus took me as his own and made me right. I hadn't felt right for years, with all my striving to be the perfect an...

It has been quiet over here in Blog Land. I've been asked a lot lately if I am writing. I've been writing alright. I've filled notebooks and journals and Bible margins with my thoughts. But to actually sit down and just say what the battle is all about and to try to explain it seems unfair. You don't actually need to know someone else's turmoil, assuming you have your own to work through. Words should be seasoned with grace that it may benefit those who listen. Eph 4:29   I very much believe that and was waiting to get through to the part where I might benefit the listener. I don't have much, but a few things I am learning I feel do praise God and bring glory to the name of Jesus. A good writer blatantly says it like it is...or at least there is simple clarity and no beating around the bush. You have no idea how I would love to do that. Yet, Grace. Grace matters and respect and love and kindness. And so I hem around the edges in my attempt to extend tho...

I've been given the privilege to teach Sunday school at our local body of believers. It doesn't really frighten me, the ladies are so gracious and kind with their thoughts, but it does overwhelm me going through the Epistles of John. Because you see, it caught me in a most vulnerable time in my life. Vulnerable times are growing times... so they say. I will tell you that being vulnerable and honest it is also hard and painful. My point of vulnerability is all this talk of Love and me realizing I'm not very good at it. Or at least my weaknesses make me feel I'm not very good at it.  It is no fun to unearth a truth you have worked long and hard to avoid and smother. Especially when you didn't realize that was what you were doing the past several years while you were climbing a mountain somewhere else, figuratively of course. Also those mountains that consume you for periods of time are not bad, in some ways they grow you up in other areas. But after, when you ...