Steadfast: My Word for 2020

It has been quiet over here in Blog Land. I've been asked a lot lately if I am writing. I've been writing alright. I've filled notebooks and journals and Bible margins with my thoughts. But to actually sit down and just say what the battle is all about and to try to explain it seems unfair. You don't actually need to know someone else's turmoil, assuming you have your own to work through.

Words should be seasoned with grace that it may benefit those who listen. Eph 4:29  I very much believe that and was waiting to get through to the part where I might benefit the listener. I don't have much, but a few things I am learning I feel do praise God and bring glory to the name of Jesus.

A good writer blatantly says it like it is...or at least there is simple clarity and no beating around the bush. You have no idea how I would love to do that. Yet, Grace. Grace matters and respect and love and kindness. And so I hem around the edges in my attempt to extend those things while saying the things that may benefit.

I've been going through some deep personal growth. It's humbling and scary to be in this spot at two weeks shy of 44. I've found that my faith is shaky, my roots are not taking in truth as they should, and I often find myself clinging to a broken edge of earth that is breaking loose. It's no fun. And it's sorta painful.

The basic truths that I know are still there. But I have discovered a lot of them were just touching the surface of my life habits. A word I am studying in 2020 is... Steadfast. An undivided spirit so that when life's storms hit I will not be shaken from staying safe in the arms of Jesus. You see, I've found myself running skittish like a scared rabbit every which way trying to find my safe, comfy spot. And its gone. I can't find it.

For this I am thankful. This is where I have found I can stand in the storm. Yes, I'm scared and shaking. Yes, I don't know which way is up or down or sideways. I am disoriented. But I claim God's presence ever before me, like David, like the Children of Israel witnessed in the desert, like all who seek His face and have a steadfast spirit.

God's presence in the storm. Grabbing for Him with my heart and hands and words. Words in a storm are carried away with the wind but they are still spoken...Yes, I speak them to acknowledge that I believe God is there leading and holding me. The guide in the storm holds the light and keeps walking toward protection. I choose to follow my guide even if He takes me through the storm. I know He is my only Hope and Confidence, so I keep going.

And because I have confidence in my Guide I have hope. I wait in the storm expecting my Guide to figure out the way through. David says it so much better than I: Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices, my body also will live in hope...Acts 2:26 and verse 28... You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in your presence.

That doesn't sound like someone who is overwhelmed by life's hurdles or enemies or shortcomings. If David of the Bible could go through all those things yet come out saying there is life and hope and joy, then surely I can. I have David's example, Jesus existence, and the Holy Spirit, all things David could not rely on.

So here I am. Learning what it means to be steadfast and patient. Waiting on God to do His thing. Having Hope in the waiting...And I'm not giving up.