Westwoods

I've been given the privilege to teach Sunday school at our local body of believers. It doesn't really frighten me, the ladies are so gracious and kind with their thoughts, but it does overwhelm me going through the Epistles of John. Because you see, it caught me in a most vulnerable time in my life. Vulnerable times are growing times... so they say. I will tell you that being vulnerable and honest it is also hard and painful. My point of vulnerability is all this talk of Love and me realizing I'm not very good at it. Or at least my weaknesses make me feel I'm not very good at it.  It is no fun to unearth a truth you have worked long and hard to avoid and smother. Especially when you didn't realize that was what you were doing the past several years while you were climbing a mountain somewhere else, figuratively of course. Also those mountains that consume you for periods of time are not bad, in some ways they grow you up in other areas. But after, when you ...

I just wrote a new "About Westwoods" post and decided after trying to summarize our life and the changes our lives have made, that there is something very startling about our family picture compared to the old one that was on my page for the past three years, and that maybe I should do a post about some personal changes to my appearance. This post is for my girl audience only. Not that I know of any men that read my blog...but just saying, this could be a bit boring for you. In the last four years or so you may have noticed my hair color and my weight gain. Or maybe you didn't but I thought I'd tell you about it anyway. I also thought I'd share a few personal ideas about health and beauty and overall self care. this is me currently... and this was 2017  When I was nearing the age of forty, the same year I started my school teaching stint, I made yet another valiant effort to reach my goal weight, to be fit and toned, and to be brave to life's c...

Did you know that it isn't always right to be honest and real with a person? I have very recently learned this in a new light. I knew it was best to stay on the side of kindness in attempting to saying things honestly and I knew that sometimes it's much kinder to just out and say it, because no one likes to be made a fool. The kinder thing in those cases is to at least warn honestly. I digress. I did attempt to introduce a truth I had discovered to someone I love recently, and it did not have the desired effect. Instead of a conversation that flowed with milk and honey, I noticed a major shut down. The one I was attempting to love put on proverbial running shoes and fled the scene as fast and hard as they could. I've discovered that people hurt deeply in some areas of their lives. And it often depends on their experiences in relationships that determines at what point they have been hurt. No one is going to process life's scars the same way you do. You might be ...

I live in a world of overachievers. Although, who's to say what that is? Just because I think it, doesn't mean it is so. It is possible, I am an underachiever. Whatever it is, there does appear to be a conflict of application.  Enough with the generalizations. It is my opinion that many of us (good Christian citizens) put too much stock in 'doing' and good works. I'll start with my own. I taught school for four years while my husband did four years of nursing school. There were varying opinions on this matter, whether what we were doing was praiseworthy or just plain stupid.  Mostly people were supportive whether or not they completely cared or understood. But it didn't keep opinions away. It was kind opinions, all positive in our hearing, but because I would prefer to remain anonymous or at least partly incognito about my life, even this was a bit painful. To all of you who thanked me and encouraged me during my four years of teaching, Thank you! I am n...

I've been on a pretty good kick about quietness and being still, trying to recover from years of living the fast paced stressful life, {at least this was my excuse}and I am gaining ground on this front too... but then I go to Sunday School last Sunday and Jesus pretty much shot down my whole quietness issues with His resurrection. See, when he rose from the dead, the earth could not be silent. It was loud and extreme and sudden ; all things that make me think I have PTSD. However, Jesus being resurrected should make some noise in my life. I do believe finding quietness is a thing Jesus did and it is a good and healing and needed thing to do, but maybe I was taking it a bit too far?  I don't know. But I do feel I am ready to stop preaching about quietness so much, at least to others. I guess what I am really saying is, yes, there are times a body needs quietness. But I am now a little more open to the fact that not everyone needs the same amounts of it and rarely at the ...

Sometimes you just have to start writing. I have tried so many different starts to this blog post; each one gets deleted. You see, I am trying to say it nice. Or say it diplomatically. Or gentle it down a little. None of it works. But I don't want it to be simply a rant. And I don't want to  be offensive. But I really want to say it. Also, it really isn't as big as deal as it feels to me...probably.  I really do think we build our own earthly kingdoms, which ends up with placing too much importance on things, people, or problems. Earthly kingdoms to me are whatever worshipful thoughts we have about 'important' people or 'modern' ideas. I'll get to what some of those are in a minute. We tend to make earthly kingdoms out of anything.  The problem with earthly kingdoms is how they take our eyes off Jesus and His heavenly kingdom. We lose the part of the Lord's prayer that says, "Thy kingdom come...thy will be done on earth as it ...

Don't let the title dissuade you. I'm not admitting fall is in the air, but there has definitely been a break in the heat and the rains over the weekend have certainly greened up the grass I've been struggling to keep alive. The air is cooler too. Its almost like I smell... dare I say it? Well...fall. Now that we have that out in the open, I will attempt to put into words what I really want to say. It's about Jesus. And living for Him. And trying to explain why you shouldn't try so hard to be smart and in control and freaked out when things go so very wrong. Because we live in a fallen world, because we are humans prone to mistakes...and things will go bad, rotten, and wrong...it is the nature of things...because of these things we get discouraged and begin to question the goodness of God.  We also begin to question who God is when we are following too closely on the heels of people. We feel safe when we follow other Christ followers, especially those that ...

I have this tiny front yard that needs water daily just to survive. Something in the way its situated makes it difficult for rain to reach most of it. The previous owner obviously spent more time than I do setting up sprinklers in strategic places. And this is not as dry a summer as usual. So I found a setting on the nozzle of the garden hose called 'soaker', which seems to work better than a sprinkler because it requires me standing behind it and watering according to desire of wetness. I can see the spots that need soaking better than my sprinkler. And as I stand there giving the dry ground a good soak, I think of all the dry spots in my life and my people's lives and pray for them. Now these are not wordy prayers. I'm not even sure they are good prayers. It's more watering the surface than anything, because I don't know the depth to which the dryness goes. I just kinda eyeball it like the ground and trust God will use it according to need. Bru...

There are way too many things to talk about here so I will try to narrow it down to one or two. They may or may not correlate. I have been asked my opinion on well-known established organizations that have been exposed of their ongoing sins... organizations that have functioned for years under the guise of "conservative" and "spiritual"...what do I think about it? First of all, I'm not sure what good it does for one more voice to say what they think...I personally cannot bear to hear one more opinion... although I will admit this is a bit reactionary from the last four years of intense-ness. However I will just say this. It's about time. It's about time we realize that conservative Anabaptist people are just that. People are people are people the world over. It is past time to break down our little kingdoms of self righteousness in our heritage and realize we are human and sinners and no better than anyone. We are all crawling with filth and g...

If you've ever been in a spot of discomfort after a conversation and you keep repeating in your mind what he or she said and what you said back, you will probably understand the thinking behind this question. Are you uncomfortable with the way the conversation went because you are afraid you sounded dumb? Or wrong?  Have you ever felt tortured by your thoughts after a false accusation or an insinuation that you were misunderstood? Did you feel like smoke was coming out your ears from not being given the chance to explain yourself? Maybe you've gone through a time of doing great things, performing or trying to please someone in particular with your talents of compassion and ability to reach out. Maybe you were good at it and did impress a few people. Maybe you were even given high praise. Do you find yourself craving, even needing affirmation? Do want to be noticed for your good deeds or quality of character? Do you long for people to look up to you and come to you for ...

I have noticed in the blog world, it isn't really a thing any more. The last year of teaching kept me too busy to clearly and cohesively put together thoughts to share. It was a plumb miracle if I got the bare basics done. Now that I am back, I find a few faithful bloggers and am comforted. I plan to stay. Now that I am home, I plan to write and write and write. You have been warned. 😏 The profound thought chasing around my head the last several weeks of school was... "Everyone stop trying to impress each other. Just quietly do the stuff God gave you to do and mind your own business!"  Now that was nicely summarized and I'm sure you have no idea what I am preaching about. I'll leave that for another time when I'm feeling more upset about it. I kinda lost my oomph for that sermon anyway. Being at home is a pinch me I'm dreaming kind of feeling. It doesn't feel super real yet. Reality takes over in time for meals and laundry, something of wh...

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with the fullness of God...Eph. 3:19 I remember praying for love for others, because I wasn't getting along with them and because I wanted better results from our relationship. This verse tho, leads me to believe that it's not about my ability to love others so much as it's my 1st priority to love Christ. If I know the love of Christ; I taste and feel the results of knowing in my everyday living. I react correctly to conflict. I don't retaliate or be defensive because my goal is to see how this helps me to know the love of Christ. It does pass knowledge and understanding. The love of Christ digs deeper into my nothingness and need of Christs' power. "Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to the cross I cling" with everything. Those conflicts or relationships that are too hard for me are helping me to know the love of Christ. And then, I am filled with the fullness...

It is just our pride that smarts when someone takes a confession we finally became vulnerable enough to share, and then in response, interprets it completely wrong...as in an 180*.  It is just our pride that thinks all week of a retort to make back in a wish to set the record straight. Because...look at all those other people who heard what you said about me and how you put words into my mouth that I never said or felt. You sputter and think and retort and think and storm and thunder until you come back to... Well, your precious pride. Pride is what makes us hurt when we are given advice we were not looking for. In my case, all three of these came in one fell swoop. I would love to tell you I learned something through it, that I came forth as gold, that I no longer smart, hurt, or sputter for proper understanding. But I didn't. I did try to think it through though, in a logical way, something that doesn't come easily for me. And the more I tried to chase it down and ...

I am a little bewildered when I witness hero worship in adults. Christian adults using flattery and 'kissing up' is just so repulsive. I got to thinking about that and what causes it and why it's not OK and how a Christ follower should actually "be" when it comes to admiration of other human beings.  As for causes, I believe it is our lack of direction and trust in our lives. We feel empty and search for meaning in what our brother or sister thinks. We seek approval for our empty feelings; we look for meaning from someone who has more authority or knowledge on a subject. Audry Assad sings in I Shall Not Want: From the need to be understood From the need to be accepted From the fear of being lonely Deliver me, O God. Yes, that explains the causes of hero worship best. We, ourselves, want to be admired and affirmed so we seek understanding, acceptance, and the company of others' beliefs. God says: "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me...

Morning comes. I have waited for it, sleep being a strange commodity these days. I methodically stumble through the darkened room, grabbing items for after my shower. It's been the same ritual for the past four years. Sometimes I find I still have my eyes closed, half way through getting ready for the day. Still tip toeing around other sleeping members of the house, the coffee pot and kitchen calls me deeper into wakefulness. I read the verse of the day on my phone app as I sip the first taste of morning, then open my real Bible and read a little more something. It is always different since I prefer the bits of non schedule and general disarray of my devotional habits. There is enough schedule and 'by the books' in my day already. This morning time of coffee and Bible is too personal to make formal.  My desk is still there, yesterdays quizzes needing put away, today's quizzes pulled. A scrap piece of paper has names with books needed from the shelves upstairs. I...