It is just our pride that smarts when someone takes a confession we finally became vulnerable enough to share, and then in response, interprets it completely wrong...as in an 180*.
It is just our pride that thinks all week of a retort to make back in a wish to set the record straight. Because...look at all those other people who heard what you said about me and how you put words into my mouth that I never said or felt. You sputter and think and retort and think and storm and thunder until you come back to... Well, your precious pride.
Pride is what makes us hurt when we are given advice we were not looking for. In my case, all three of these came in one fell swoop. I would love to tell you I learned something through it, that I came forth as gold, that I no longer smart, hurt, or sputter for proper understanding. But I didn't.
I did try to think it through though, in a logical way, something that doesn't come easily for me. And the more I tried to chase it down and forgive it and move on without thinking it through... well, you get the picture...it's a bit like a dog chasing its tail. The only bit of logic I gleaned from it all was this: This is a mind game I do not have to play.
First of all, the offender has no idea that I, the offendee, was offended. If I confront him/her about it, it could #1. be denied, #2. cause sadness to the offender, and #3. spread ill will...which is not showing love...So logically I end up with no good thing.
Another thing that would come out of confronting the false accusations would be the childhood adage, "when you point a finger, you have three pointing back at yourself". This truly happens. My husband has been perfect at pointing this out. His comeback after I accuse him of being too critical is, "You're being critical of me being critical." And then we have a good laugh together. The point is, we cannot see ourselves. Even me the offendee.
So what I learned didn't make the smarting stop or the biting my tongue any easier, but it did help me to see that it's a go no place situation which does not promote growth in love, grace, and mercy, which is something we are all badly in need of.
Let the things you never said remain so. If you say them by denying them it makes it seem as if you did. Learn to let it go. It only matters what Jesus knows about you.
If you follow the path of peace you will be seeking it and pursuing it, maybe sometimes whilst holding your tongue and praying really hard. It is a good thing to understand that you can be falsely accused and let it be. After all, it was the biggest thing that Jesus did for us.