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Who Do I Love the Most..Me or God?

If you've ever been in a spot of discomfort after a conversation and you keep repeating in your mind what he or she said and what you said back, you will probably understand the thinking behind this question. Are you uncomfortable with the way the conversation went because you are afraid you sounded dumb? Or wrong? 

Have you ever felt tortured by your thoughts after a false accusation or an insinuation that you were misunderstood? Did you feel like smoke was coming out your ears from not being given the chance to explain yourself?

Maybe you've gone through a time of doing great things, performing or trying to please someone in particular with your talents of compassion and ability to reach out. Maybe you were good at it and did impress a few people. Maybe you were even given high praise.

Do you find yourself craving, even needing affirmation? Do want to be noticed for your good deeds or quality of character? Do you long for people to look up to you and come to you for advice? Do you elevate yourself because you are in a position of leadership of some kind? Do you expect people to think more highly of you because you are in a position of leadership?

At the core of all these dilemmas, the answer to the question of who I love the most becomes glaringly clear. When I love me most, these are the cares of my heart. Somehow we tend to confuse our caring about these things with being kind, compassionate, and loving, when actually what we are doing is desiring to take the place of God in our own hearts and the hearts of others. Ultimately we want control and honor and power. Why would we want this?

When I love me most, I am bothered if people brush me and my opinions off like a pesky fly. I will become noisy in order to be heard and I will crave more and more attention.

When I love God most, it matters only what Jesus thinks of my goals, my dreams, my actions. If  I am living humbly, quietly, caring only for what Jesus cares for in my doings, I am then free to grow and create without the need for glory or praise of man.

When I love God most, I will live boldly and not pretentiously. Boldly, because I am not worried about what someone will think if I say or do certain things. Not pretentiously, because I will be open and honest and kind out of my desire to please Jesus first.

When I love God most I will be humble. I won't wish to be noticed or praised or elevated. I will serve with the heart of a servant, keeping quiet my good deeds while constantly doing them because you know it's what Jesus would want you to do. Because you love Him.

The only affirmation you will need is the peace and joy that grows in your heart from doing those things quietly and humbly, day after day, without notice or praise of man. 


  1. Oh my! Such good words, Shilah. I answered yes to so many of your first questions. ��
    But there is hope, which you profoundly point out. Thanks for writing this. ❤️Luci


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