I Have Many Things to Say

Did you know that it isn't always right to be honest and real with a person? I have very recently learned this in a new light. I knew it was best to stay on the side of kindness in attempting to saying things honestly and I knew that sometimes it's much kinder to just out and say it, because no one likes to be made a fool. The kinder thing in those cases is to at least warn honestly. I digress.

I did attempt to introduce a truth I had discovered to someone I love recently, and it did not have the desired effect. Instead of a conversation that flowed with milk and honey, I noticed a major shut down. The one I was attempting to love put on proverbial running shoes and fled the scene as fast and hard as they could.

I've discovered that people hurt deeply in some areas of their lives. And it often depends on their experiences in relationships that determines at what point they have been hurt. No one is going to process life's scars the same way you do. You might be great at vocalizing an emotional fear or tada moment while someone close to you is thrust into fight and flight mode at the very thought.

What do you do in that situation? In your attempt to share and be closer to your loved one, you ended up putting more distance between you and them. I thought of Jesus' words. “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now...NKJV
Jesus then goes one to say that the Holy Spirit will come and show us when the time is right. 

I believe the best thing at this point is to talk to God about your new discoveries and tada moments and leave it in His hands to do the revealing to the other person. Meanwhile, love them through their fog and indifference and understand their indifference is a coping mechanism. They simply cannot yet bear more.

 Working through past hurts are harder than they need to be, especially when we shy away from 'going there' or revisiting something that is dead and buried. The trouble is, past hurts can never be dead and buried when they continue to be played out in our reactions to life; often this happens so naturally we aren't aware of it.

We do life the way we witnessed life in our formative years. Vowing to never repeat the mistakes of our parents is simply not enough. Forgiving them is key to not repeating the mistakes made in our upbringing, yes. But it is important to go even deeper and admit when something was done that caused damage. To name the damage and forgive and then learning to respond correctly instead of reacting badly to triggers, that is the most important factor to growth.

Sometimes we are not willing to name the damage because the scars are too deeply ingrained in our being. We think we have forgiven but we continue the patterns we have learned because they are comfortable and feel like home. 

Then is when the words and ways of Jesus become the motto. Basically, Jesus is saying  "There is more...I have words of life to give you...but right now you should wait for the Holy Spirit to guide you and the other person...while you wait...you can love and show kindness to each other the way I do. Let kindness...all the fruits of the spirit...rule you.

In the church, in marriage, in any relationship this works. It works to let the Holy Spirit be the convincer of faults, the forgiver of our pasts and the guide for our current scars. What doesn't work is force and guilt and judgement, all opposites of the fruits of the spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23 King James Version (KJV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.