Shilah Writes

In a single day so much can hit you sideways, like hail on skin. I often wonder why it is that God made some people with better resiliency than I seem to have. Did He make me weak and sensitive and fragile or did I become that way from being worn down and because I don't have my roots deep down? And why is it some can be given far greater trials than I and come forth as gold? Such questions are too deep for me and so at the end of the day, I run back to the arms of my Abba Father. Once there, it becomes clear that I am not to question my lack and frailties. I simply surrender to worship. I cave in and fall flat on my face in awe of what God is doing. I can't see anything visibly but I know He is doing far more than I can imagine or think...(Eph 3;20)  Going to church service has been my hard thing, yet it has been my needed thing. Let me try to explain. I go there every day, to that building, since our school and church is combined. I teach the children of my frien...

It is rather painful to be waiting on answers but I think it would be worse to know too much. It's during the time of not having answers or a plan, we must learn to rely most heavily on God and His divine knowledge. We are currently in a time of waiting and discouragement. Bruce is nearing the end of his second semester of nursing school and it is not looking good. Fact is, we are trying to face reality that he may be looking at doing this semester over. We are still striving and praying and giving it everything we got to make this semester a success. But it looks pretty bleak. While not  knowing if we will succeed is hard, giving up would be even harder.  It also means that I can acclimate myself to thinking about working a job a couple more years. Which I really feel sad about...spoiled lady that I am. I have already given my word to teach another school year, this much I already know. But imagine looking at being near the top of Mount Everest and then finding out y...

You know what? Even a person that likes to clean up messes gets tired of mud and goo prints and sticky floors. I am happiest at break time at school when there are dishes in the sink just waiting to be washed. It gives me a little thinking space after locking horns with a particularly difficult situation in the classroom. Washing something always helps center me. But still, I wonder why there is so much dirt always? The kids aren't difficult on purpose. But they are normal and they all battle their wills the same as I. I love to see the struggle of them fighting to be heard and also giving up being heard. I love when I see the struggle, because then I know there is hope for learning.  I was thinking about abundance this week. There has been an abundance of many things, not all of them fun. Like the foolishness of children throwing trash anyplace and setting up lunch tables in strange configurations. I have found spiders made with permanent marker printed on toilet paper roll...

I am finally convinced that attending church and being an active part of the local body of Christ is Scriptural. I say finally, because for a lot of years I didn't like the childish bickering and endless foolish controversies and genealogies that went along with being involved with the humans that make up the local church community. Not that I like those things in particular any better than I used to but now I realize GRACE and the fact that at some point or other we will all chase after something that is not actually what God would have us to be chasing. But we don't always know that on time do we? And I believe that is kinda the whole idea God had for church. It is often the very humanness of our own people that helps us to see our own flaws and inconsistencies in a new light. About the time you are tempted to judge a situation, God challenges you with your own. Three challenges God gave me this week: 1. Sometimes God uses your brother or sister in Christ...

March is a month fitting for sorrow and the death of things. Not to sound morbid, but mud and cold go with the mood of March. I am always so glad when it is over. When I see the first blooms of spring and green shoots of grass trying to shove up out of the earth, I feel maybe the pain and hard of winter might just relinquish its hold on my soul and I can start anew. And then I wonder why it is I seek comfort so hard? Why do I struggle with bareness of the mind or landscape? Socrates once stated, "He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." I agree, except for the changing of seasons.  I've been thinking about communication and what makes it great. It seems that true communication is more quickly achieved when we are  swift to hear and slow to speak.  James 1:19 Most people want so badly to speak and to be heard and to say what's on their minds and hearts. They care more about being heard than listening. Li...

I am having full days lately of being misunderstood. Not that this really matters. Most of the time I'm too busy keeping up with school assignments and errant homework slips to really care if someone heard me say "rain" instead of "amazing". Which in my way of thinking doesn't really matter, unless they also encourage me to be more positive in my thinking...which they did... And that is when I wonder if it would be better to be defensive and correct them by telling that I said the night was gonna be amazing and that I never mentioned rain at all... At this point I really don't care if they thought I was predicting rain instead of amazing evening plans. I simply do not have the energy for corrections. Let them think ill of me. Or not? Sometimes it happens because too many people are talking at once and also not listening. I find the art of true conversation is hard to come by and that to try to teach it or attempt it myself takes too much energy. O...

It's National Womans Day. Whatever that means. I feel bad about this. It would be better named, National Brat Day. Not that I don't like women, I do; I am one of them. But when we start making days to be noticed, I start to think about animals in cages. Do we really want that kind of attention? National Womans Day was started for the woman who has fewer rights, to make it easier for her to get a job, one that pays as good or better than a man's job. It was made for women to be able to vote and help lead equally with men. The point of it all was for equality among human beings in every aspect; to not have gender; influence treatment of human beings. I think it's working. Except for the fact we are completely different beings than men. True, we both have heads, hands, and feet...but after noticing those physical parts, our differences begin to show up. And that a man has no womb. Wonder who they will blame for this? So it's not working. There are big un-though...