Westwoods

There is something I think we get wrong in living out this thing we call 'The Christian Life'. We are put on guilt trips for not having it as bad as persecuted Christians across the world or for not having been tested for our faith like our forefathers were. The thread of thought is that we are soft and that we don't know as much as they did of what it is like to be put through fire. This is denial. Maybe a bit like Peter's denial. He didn't mean to deny Christ, it just happened. He didn't realize he was already in a battle. Just like we are. We are SO in a battle. And just maybe we aren't realizing we are already suffering because we claim the name of Jesus.  If someone can make you question your faith, your actions, your joy, then you my friend, are already in. You are being tested in your easy, plush, American life. You are put through the fire when you choose to love and forgive your spouse if he or she is unfaithful to you. Every time there is ...

Not bragging...Everyone who knows me, knows I am opinionated. Sometimes to the point of hurting the one I am talking to.  I'm also very slow, never catching on that I did in fact hurt some one with my forceful words until much later. Like hours later, after they have forgotten and moved on from the conversation. That is when it hits me... I feel squirmy for a reason and I must've been too wordy about some trivial matter and that everyone would have been happier had I just shut up. And then, the other side of me abhors niceness. Being nice isn't always kind. A person can be ever so nice but as mean as an old snake. And saying nice words and doing nice things are NOTHING if there is not a heart of kindness behind them. Being nice tends toward fake. Kindness from the heart has to be genuine, otherwise its just fake niceness. So...how to get it right? I think at the bottom of this heart struggle is "the fear of man". I think we get the desire to pl...

Last week I did a personal five day devotional by Louie Giglio, about worship. It was fitting for a lot of other things in my life, one being Bible memory with my students.  Last week we memorized Psalm 119 verse 99... 99  I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies are my meditation. They got a pretty big kick out of that  being students. And I got a pretty big kick out of it being a teacher.  It was a great learning moment together when I told them it wasn't good enough to trust their teachers because teachers are human and make mistakes and worse yet, are sometimes just plain wrong. I encouraged them to make sure they know their Bibles so well they are able to recognize when one of their teachers in life are not giving sound advice...A mantra I have adopted since my own childhood. Do you know? I think that was a strange thought for some of them...On one hand they have been told since babies, they can trust the adults in their l...

Every now and again I go dead in the writing world. It's not on purpose, its just that the energizer bunny in me fizzles out. The month of January had a way of wiping me out, if not physically, at least mentally. This year I stayed well physically, which is nice when you are a schoolteacher. But alas, I went astray mentally. The winter SAD hit hard, I had seven writing assignments due and then overdue, got them finished and pphhhtt... Done...No more...That's all she wrote... So in thinking it all over and wondering what of value I would have to say to the outside world, I came up empty. No one needs to know about the going through and cleaning out a closet of forty- too- many dresses smashed in there. Every one is already informed about how to have a capsule wardrobe, how to get rid of stuff like dishes and clothes and not used items laying around. While minimalism was cool, I was busy doing a job. Now that I'm finally catching on, its pretty basic and boring to mos...

Heart full of quiet, pain, and joy, Stuff you can't put into words, But wish you could for fear of bursting. Saying it though, makes it redundant and Why? Why clutter up someone's mind With things WE ALL get to Do? And Be? Scared after the fact. I was brave during.  Five days for soakage. And then I realize, I don't know. I don't know anything. But I feel; I always feel. Too much. And then I don't know, What is real? How much is exaggeration? What if I'm being a drama queen? Really? Me? And everyone smiles cuz they know, I am that. But that I do strive for truth. Thrown against the wall of self defense; I break and reality speaks these words... 'Humbleness'... ' Kindness'... ' Merciful in judgement'...  I go to Jesus. Counselor, Healer, Holder of the future. Reality Checker, Heart Tester, Mind Clearer... He's got it covered. All is how it should be... In the finest pair of hands.  I let it there... All I ...

It's tough, when writing is the only way you know how to process. It feels rude to make yourself feel better by writing down thoughts from the week's events. I mean, who even cares?  I thought about that Monday and Tuesday in the hospital with Bruce and I also thought about how every single one of our "people" have their daily garbage to dump as well and don't. Probably they don't anyway. If they do, I don't hear it.  I thought about how much we hold back...how much we actually don't share in this "share all" world and it made me sad. I don't know why...  I think maybe its because so much of life has turned into comparisons. It seems like if you open up and become vulnerable to someone about your current struggle, they dig down a little deeper into their own can and try to bring out a bigger more important struggle to compare.  I don't like it at all. I don't gather the courage to share my sorrow with a person so they ...

A need is a curious thing. I discovered this recently when I told someone there was a great need for something{and I truly thought there was}but this certain individual didn't think there was. Like at all. Instead there was this great blank stare. Which is super frustrating when you are working with people and you know something isn't right and you see how it could be fixed by simply taking care of the need at hand and you say so and... Nothing. I mean Nothing. In which you want to scream, " I don't ask if I don't need, see...and so I asked and so I need." So how do you tell if its a want or a need and does it make a difference to know which struggle is going on in your heart? I don't completely know the answer but I think the biggest difference between a want and a need is in my attitude.  Probably when it comes right down to it, even a very specific need can be looked on as a want or as personal gain when you are working with othe...