Shilah Writes

I was hearing what you were asking. And I know that battle line. Because I've been there too. I know what its like to pray and muscle that thing to the ground...it will not triumph over me...so I pray. God will win. I think God shows He loves us when He gives us these impossible assignments that requires all of our hearts wrestling. Sadly, we don't often recognize it as His love and care and provision for how we can best serve Him in His kingdom. Often it just seems lonely and misunderstood.  We want to explain our position to the naysayers and the ones who think they know a thing or two about our situation, the one they have never walked themselves.  We are tempted to MAKE them understand. We want encouragement and backing from humans. Somehow, that's just easier...to reach out to the humans in our lives.  Instead we could choose to lean in to the pain and lonely road that we are given to walk, to view it as a gift, and to not isolate ourselves into bitterness and anxiet...

    I will sing of the goodness of God! How is it possible for us to hold extreme sorrow and extreme joy in the same cup? My cup runneth over with both. Last week our first grandbaby was born. And my friend had another grandbaby go to Jesus...another angel baby...my friend's daughter lost another baby. A whole family mourns. Life. Hope. Stunned. Gone. It's so hard to see God's goodness in this place. I witnessed the birth of our granddaughter and prayed that Jesus would give me some of the pain her mama was experiencing.  Overwhelmed by the goodness of God. A miracle. Our joy isn't negated by the sorrow of the other. Yet, they both run together in the same stream. How? Why? We are told to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those that weep. I didn't know it would happen together.  And this is our earthly life. There are things that happen to us that can look like losses. Or great big fails. Or ongoing circumstances that seem to never change or heal or impro...

  I stare at the blank page. So much to say. So much to process. So much to pray about. So much to face and own and change. This morning I woke up before six as I most often do. Its not because I am extra virtuous. My body awakens and rebels at staying still in bed for even another minute. I quietly padded out to the kitchen, drank a glass of water in the dark, fished around in the drawer for a lighter and lit...or lighted... which one is it??? my two autumnal candles. Next I made a old fashioned pot of coffee...the regular, boring way, while I mused on the testimony of Erika Kirk, which she gave to the nation last night. She mentioned her battle cry. I loved that. Mine is a song that is on repeat in my head for the past solid year.  I will sing of the goodness of God...Erika also mentioned that fact in a whisper while tears choked her voice. "God is so good!" And He is. Meanwhile the season of cozy is here in the pumpkin scones and vanilla candles. Also are the tragedies our...

I keep being asked when I am going to write my book. It's my own fault...I blabbered about it so many times through out the years.  Years. Yes, it has been years. I am approaching 50 rapidly. And still have not written this book. I think because I have too many ideas and the main passion in my head to write about, which is family and home and marriage and relationships, well, it's just been too intense and special. And I want to protect and respect the people in my life and their journey. So to write openly and honestly and passionately about those things sometimes is just too too much. Too much exposure. Too much risk. Too much rawness and real. I am finding as I grow in age and hopefully in wisdom, that most people are not willing to know or be known. People in general find going deep and being personal a lot like getting a tooth pulled. Nobody wants to admit pain or trials or even pure joy and blessings.  It seems to be a kind of cover. And a little too much bluffing and pr...

  Summer is flying by so fast. Not only is summer speedy, it is also abundant and overflowing with garden produce, heat, and people parties.  I notice life better and feel more at peace when I can process things more fully. That is the one gripe I have with summer. It is so extremely full and life giving that I almost miss it.  Learning to 'chill' and be 'intentional' in a fast paced life, is something I find to be very difficult, even impossible. Thankfully, the concept of chilling and being intentional are just words and concepts. While I appreciate both, I am much too practical to get hung up on them. So. My summer is flying and I am doing my best to relax and enjoy each of the  moments however they arrive. I'm doing pretty well at it too, if I do say so myself. But I have made mistakes. Like not hearing correctly the full plan to when I agreed to leave to go pick huckleberries with friends. I have very kind and gracious friends though, and all was forgiven. Here...

Be joyful in hope. Be patient in affliction. Be faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12 NIV We all are waiting on something. Waiting for an event to arrive. Waiting to see if it will turn out and if we planned it well. Waiting to figure what will be at the store when we go to get the whole list. Waiting to leave on a trip. Waiting till every job is completed before we go. Waiting for everyone to pile into the vehicle of travel, maybe waiting for the last one to brush their teeth so we can go. Waiting to pay the bills; for the money to come in to pay the bills. Waiting for something to  sell so we can pay the aforementioned bills.  Waiting for the garden to grow, the flowers to bloom, the green beans to bear strings of beans in place of blossoms.    We wait for the grass to grow green and rain to come again. We wait for the wind to die down and the smoke to go away. (Sometimes the danger of fire is over but you still smell smoke) Metaphorically.  We wait for repent...

  Our summer has already been so full. I write in my journal every day and think I am going to make it here to the blog, but end up pulling weeds in the garden or mowing the lawn instead. This first photo is our Laife and Madi and little baby boy due in December. We took Madi out for her birthday in May for breakfast in Bonners Ferry. The gardens are alive and well. They are a balm to the soul as we learn how to be empty nesters.  We bought a boat and are having long and lazy weekends out on the water. So far we've been to Diamond Lake for two nights, Lake Roosevelt for a night, and this coming weekend we're planning to go to Lake Pend Orielle in Idaho.   Shaunti and I picked 30 pounds of strawberries in the hot sun. I found these huckleberries on our land. Well, almost on our land...it might have been on the neighboring property too. These two found out they are having a girl. She is due to arrive in Oct. The lovely Toria. She left us on the 11th of June. Her plans are t...