A Blank Page

 I stare at the blank page. So much to say. So much to process. So much to pray about. So much to face and own and change.

This morning I woke up before six as I most often do. Its not because I am extra virtuous. My body awakens and rebels at staying still in bed for even another minute.

I quietly padded out to the kitchen, drank a glass of water in the dark, fished around in the drawer for a lighter and lit...or lighted... which one is it??? my two autumnal candles. Next I made a old fashioned pot of coffee...the regular, boring way, while I mused on the testimony of Erika Kirk, which she gave to the nation last night.

She mentioned her battle cry. I loved that. Mine is a song that is on repeat in my head for the past solid year. 

I will sing of the goodness of God...Erika also mentioned that fact in a whisper while tears choked her voice. "God is so good!"

And He is. Meanwhile the season of cozy is here in the pumpkin scones and vanilla candles. Also are the tragedies our nation is facing. Even while our hearts break and we wait on our own personal miracles and deliverances and healing. God is still so so good.

Heaven and Eternity got a little closer this week... Oh, to be at rest. At peace with Jesus. To end our striving. To stop chasing our tails and the constant petty bickering of trying to get along with each other on this earth.

God has brought me to a new chapter this summer...He is exposing a word to me that I did not know I needed to address.

 Slander... there it is. The slander in the Biblical sense is different than in the court of law. It simply means: ill will, scoffing or ridiculing others, seeing the bad in others, feeling the need to correct others...judging...or passing judgement, saying words that insinuate or assume about someone or something...talking about it more than you pray about it...the list goes on and on.

I did not know I did it. It was obscured behind hurt, tired of trying, and the need to explain myself. In my attempt to be understood, even heard, I over shared my hurt feelings and thoughts about others.

I can think of a thousand or more different ways I have probably done this over the years. Once you get rolling on examining yourself and finding out what God's word says about all the wayward tendencies of the heart, well, let's just say, "Thank you, Holy Spirit. Please, keep after me...His love is running after me...phrase in my battle song...

It has become acutely aware to me that slander is what tears apart churches, breaks down marriages, and severs relationships. A very good example of what slander does is how it sways a nation to be at each other's throats instead of having manners and kindness and a sane mind. 

My mom used to say "self pity is the devil's tool!" And she's right. But it's only one of his tools.That dirty rat has an endless supply of tools and tactics to keep us hurt, bickering and chasing our tails.

I urge you and me. Be bold and face your giants of things like slander. Call them what they are and let God address them to your heart so that we might see which kingdom we are serving in our conversations and actions. Let's be bold like Charlie and be ready with an answer that glorifies our Father in Heaven.