Shilah Writes

  Sunday morning...we're going home today... It's early. I woke up at 5. Made the mandatory cup of coffee, read my morning Psalm...can't quite stomach the old and new testament passages this early in the day. The overwhelm of goodness and memories make me freeze at the thought of the goodbyes. It can't go on indefinitely, I know. I wouldn't even want it to. Already, I'm craving a quiet moment and corner to call my own, where life goes back to normal. Things I will treasure forever from this weekend...The babies...Kiana and Seth.  Kiana, I have gotten to know well, as she lives round the corner from me. Seth at four weeks, I have squished and held and loved...that space is now established.  We wonder how we got here? And how did we not know how much fun this would be? Watching the kids become parents...sweet to behold...Having my Toria still to hold and hang out with, without her person...for a little while longer...off she goes to Germany again later this week.....

  I rarely include a question in the title, but this one is exactly how it feels to me on days I'm not sure if God is hearing me? I am the performer with a dead microphone...or am I? Please do, grab yourself a cup of coffee and join me in a few musings about prayers that God answers and those He answers in His own way...those prayers that seem others get answered but you don't...those kinds of musings. What to do with the strong emotions of those who have easily and freely what you so terribly want for your own? How to be genuinely happy for them and not in sorrow for you and your "loss" or whatever you want to call it. And how to still hold on to the peace and joy that is yours as you continue, faithful and steadfast, whether or not that thing is ever going to heal or be changed...maybe it feels completely abandoned and dried up, left for dead? I get to this same tree over and over. I find myself taking that same loop trying to find my way out of this (dense woods) g...

  Pretends to be tough but isn't. He's afraid he will show too much emotion so says gruff things or gets quiet. Writes daily journal entries on his computer just for fun and to learn how to write better.  The other day, I offered to help him with editing his work before printing it out.  I thought it would take a half hour but it took over two. I got distracted with his view on life and his humor. I could hear his voice in the words. And my five year old self remembered the security of his normal, sturdy, steady self.  He never pretends anything. I know I said he can be gruff to hide his emotions, but it's not a bluff. At least to me. I see him regulating and gaining control before choking up or saying something in a wobbly voice. Usually it's kind. He's inquisitive and loves people. I used to think he was too snoopy and sometimes embarrassing with his questions. Some people don't appreciate prying thoughts or questions, at least I felt that from my friends whil...

  Let no man steal your crown... And knowing your assignment... I suddenly find this very hard to expound on. It wasn't hard in my mind yesterday while I was taking down Christmas and decluttering. Then, it was clear and I had words.  I'm a little bit burdened when I hear other Christians have all kinds of thoughts and advice that we should be doing more feet on the ground work for the Kingdom of Heaven.  Often this is accompanied with guilt trips and condemnation and also reasons they themselves can't do this thing they are suggesting "but it would be such a good testimony in the community for our church". What does that even mean? Who are we trying to make look good here?  I agree with a part of this thought. It is good to have feet on the ground. And to be active and looking for opportunity to share Jesus, this is more than good, it is necessary for the believer of Jesus.  I think the focus is off though. It smells like self glory.  And appears like an e...

Bruce and I celebrated the New Year sick and alone on our couch, though extremely thankful and blessed to have seen our new grandbaby, Seth, and also that we were able to take in all the other festivities before we expired to said couch. All those hours out of commission gives one plenty time to ponder and reflect and try to come up with something that might propel you into the new year full of bright new energy.  Alas, the only word I found was...'continue'. Which in my case doesn't mean I'm doing everything right. It just means...stay the course. Keep abiding in Jesus...Dwell under the Shadow of the Almighty...Keep learning how to say "no" to ungodly ways...and 'Yes' to Jesus. Obey...walk the kingdom walk... I asked a few people to pray for me the other day and immediately was bombarded with attacks from what I believe was the enemy. I must be on to something Mighty if I get that much resistance.  So in that I will continue.   Yes. I need my family o...

  This Christmas, as you are gathered around your table, celebrating the birth of Jesus and eating sumptuously, remember that along with all the warm and fuzzy of being with family, comes also the woolly and thorny pieces.  Much like the humble stable, the manger, the traditional donkey, two camels, and the little babe, it is both glorious and stark. The birth of our Saviour... The Way, The Truth, The Light, shining from the musty hay; like the nativity so often displays. For at the dinner table, the Uncle will repeat that embarrassing story. One of those fine relatives will talk loudly and make the grossest food noises, at least one of them.  An older, wiser sibling will again poke fun at and/or make predictions of failure toward another, all in good fun you know, expecting the same reaction they have gotten for years...a few good laughs and humor. Wherein all parties are expected to feel love, some don't. But they bluff and hide and take the joke because that is expec...

  I guess it might depend on your perspective but I can't really separate hope from reality...I think if you believe in Jesus you shouldn't be able to say it's one or the other. Yet, I know it can feel like a phrase in MEANTIME...'Hoping sure feels dangerous'...song by Joshua Leventhal. I tried to put a link here but it failed...You can find this song on Spotify if you want to hear it. Anyway, I get it. I know the emotion of this thought. But it's not who God is. Neither does He want us living in a hopeless state, where it feels safer to be real and a little down in the mouth because then you won't be hurt later by dashed hopes and expectations.  The thinking goes deeper than facing reality, it also lends an un-helping hand in making your own predictions while assessing what next faulty thing people will do or how something will turn out. It causes negative responses, judges others behaviors, and zaps the life right out of a fella. Whereas hope brings life a...