My Dad

 

Pretends to be tough but isn't.

He's afraid he will show too much emotion so says gruff things or gets quiet.

Writes daily journal entries on his computer just for fun and to learn how to write better.

 The other day, I offered to help him with editing his work before printing it out. 

I thought it would take a half hour but it took over two.

I got distracted with his view on life and his humor.

I could hear his voice in the words.

And my five year old self remembered the security of his normal, sturdy, steady self. 

He never pretends anything. I know I said he can be gruff to hide his emotions, but it's not a bluff.

At least to me. I see him regulating and gaining control before choking up or saying something in a wobbly voice. Usually it's kind.

He's inquisitive and loves people. I used to think he was too snoopy and sometimes embarrassing with his questions. Some people don't appreciate prying thoughts or questions, at least I felt that from my friends while growing up at home...but he just ignored that idea and asked the snoopy questions anyway. 

In my adult years I know people appreciate that about him. He used to tell me, "If you want to get people to talk to you, ask them about themselves, people love to talk about themselves". And he was right. All those people today love my dad because he listened.

I love that my dad doesn't have a victim mentality. He's over 80 and has had plenty of opportunity to notice the ugly and mean in people, sometimes directed toward him, but he's never held tightly to hurt from people; it just falls off him.

He won't allow difficult relationships to give him a reason to say nasty or bitter things. I've often wondered if he ever thinks certain people are hard to love and forgive. He seems to enjoy them all. Even the ones I find a little bit strange.

Anyway, that's how I see him. And if I can get to be over eighty and seasoned in this way, I will be so happy.