Random Life

 I dreamed last night my cell phone was stolen. In my dream I was surprised at my depth of grief over its loss. I had no idea how attached I had become to minute by minute reports of my children's whereabouts and their well-being.

Shaunti is starting her second term of Bible school and has been sick for two weeks of the three weeks of first term. I hear her voice over the phone and watch her program over the internet and see her carry her familiar water bottle around on stage...the same tactical part of her that sits on my kitchen counter most evenings in preparation for the next day of work, when she's home. Funny how a lifeless item can mean something to a mom.

A week goes by so quickly. So does a year. I went in for a cleaning to the dentist this week and found it was time to renew my yearly plan. And that I have need of a crown. This doesn't suit me at all. I am going to Italy the month of February with my man and that is expense enough. About crowns...I figure if I am to pay fifteen hundred dollars for a crown it had better be a real one. One that goes with a robe of royalty and the like. Shall I get my tooth pulled instead?

I often shoot up in bed at four with the intense need to pray for one of my children. I don't actually sit straight up bodily, but my mind wakes up fully alert sounding an alarm and saying, Laife needs prayer, or Shaunti, Or Toria. Mama mia! Jesus, help me!

When Laife was almost three, he got a very bad virus that made him feverish, limp in my arms, and dehydrated. The nurse I talked to on the phone said there was probably nothing they could do for him and to give him dropper-fulls of water every few minutes. She didn't recommend that I pray for him like Hannah from the Bible prayed for a son, but I did. 

Around the same time I had a nightmare that he was floating away from me, face down in a mountain stream we had recently visited, and crying out, "Mama" in his little toddler voice. I again prayed like Hannah for my precious son. It took me years to shake that dream. I don't like that it came back to mind this week.

We had a difficult week, Bruce and I. And also we had a good week. Because God was there in the midst. And in the lowest points, one of our beautiful children would show up and bless us with a need or simply their presence.

 I often feel aloneness with Bruce working nights. Over the years, I have allowed the enemy to use those feelings and emotions to take free rein of my mind with accusations and wild thoughts concerning our ability to communicate with each other.

 I think that life has a way of keeping you tired and lonely if you let it. I suppose it's one of the tactics of Satan. I rejoice that Bruce and I have something we are clinging too that makes there be a fight. It was a good week. Because I was able to stay engaged in the battle through prayer and Jesus, Precious Jesus. 

I have a very bad habit of starting books, four or five at a time, and being stuck in all of them. Right now my stash is too varied so that I'm not enjoying them properly. The stack I am currently on, I am going to finish before we leave on our trip to Italy. Maybe.

I repotted my house plants which is something I find myself doing most Januarys. They just need it and they seem so much happier after it is done. I am finishing up organizing spaces that have already blew apart since we move in in October. How do inanimate objects move around a cupboard and make it look a tornado struck?

Most mornings and evenings I light candles for a while and enjoy their glow. The sunshine is lasting longer and longer each day. OK, truthfully its called daylight. The sun rarely shines here in winter. But this is hope springing up in my heart. I still go out and stick my eyeballs in the direction of the sun if it shines. I use my eyelids for protection for all you people who think this is a bad practice. I can absolutely feel the vitamin D pour into my veins.

A verse from Sunday School this morning:

"I am the light of the world: he that followeth after me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life" - Jesus

Follow after Jesus...No darkness there. All light and life.