The Heart of a Mama

Today is Mother's Day as everyone knows. I don't really know how to celebrate Mother's Day. I've always come back to the fact that it has more meaning when I think about the kind of mom I am to my children over the awesome ness of my mom. And she is awesome. So that's not a problem. But anyway. Being a mom is fulfilling but also it breaks your heart. It hurts to see your kids go through life's wonderful phases of decisions and choices and rejections. They get to have the bad days too. And we need to let them have that. But it's still hard to watch. I'm so very proud of my kids. I don't know if I would've been able to handle social media and technology at their age as well as they do. This metaphorical piece is all about the pulls on the heart. I have a few these days. It keeps me on my knees or flat out on my face at the foot of the cross. "With groanings that cannot be uttered" Romans 8:26 

The strings and strains of a mama heart, can be played like an old instrument. Rust and brittleness often snap a string(on a guitar). When tightened too much or when dust collects; neglected longings, cobwebs and clutter, are common causes of rust and brittleness in a mamas heart. She means to keep up with the demands and needs.

But the piles of things, broken hearts, mistakes of importance, decisions that make a difference, learning to navigate human emotion and soul shaping...those piles of things take priority over organized closets and spring cleaned windows.

Loving you is like a crooked stack. It matters what I say to you, my fragile adult child, and how I say it. Because love is not afraid to get messy in the muddy parts of growing, but also there is a defined need for grace and forgiveness when the pile of love gets kicked or someone stumbles over it.

Truth is, sometimes I feel rusted and brittle in knowing how to be a mom. I do better shutting down my thoughts and plans for my kids by listening to them talk and sort and find their way. The little things that can be done show themselves as I go through the day. I can pack a lunch or two. Or do your laundry. I sometimes clean up your physical messes, the mud you tracked across the floor. It could be; I fuss about that. There are times I don't fuss too. I just clean it up for you because I can and want to. And let's be honest, sometimes I would rather do it myself than to teach you how. Teaching you is hard.

But the big thing I do for your heart and mine, is to pray for you. That is where the heart strings get replaced and the old and the brittle, become renewed and resilient again. There I trust that My Maker God who keeps recreating my heart and soul is doing His work in you as well. There is no need to lay awake at night, stressing about your future when I am taking you to Almighty God, the Maker of the Universe and Me and You.