It is rather painful to be waiting on answers but I think it would be worse to know too much. It's during the time of not having answers or a plan, we must learn to rely most heavily on God and His divine knowledge.
We are currently in a time of waiting and discouragement. Bruce is nearing the end of his second semester of nursing school and it is not looking good. Fact is, we are trying to face reality that he may be looking at doing this semester over. We are still striving and praying and giving it everything we got to make this semester a success. But it looks pretty bleak. While not knowing if we will succeed is hard, giving up would be even harder.
It also means that I can acclimate myself to thinking about working a job a couple more years. Which I really feel sad about...spoiled lady that I am. I have already given my word to teach another school year, this much I already know. But imagine looking at being near the top of Mount Everest and then finding out you need to stay in that location another year. That's a bit how we feel right now.
We're not the only ones facing these kinds of obstacles. Many of our dear friends have something they are waiting to find out. Hanging in limbo is one of the hardest places to be. We have this twisted belief that if we knew if we will make it; it would make all the difference. I choose to believe its worth the risk of just trying.
There is a chance it won't turn out as planned but I believe in God's eyes...this is not what measures success. What God sees is our faith and our attempt at doing what we are not sure of. He sees that we walked anyway. He sees that we persevered when it got really tough. And if humanly speaking it looks like we are miserable failures, we can rest assured that God probably sees something else beyond the ken of men.
Some things you simply cannot know. Not even when you have tried everything. Surrender to the cross is realized when we give every longing and dream over to the Master Planner. He knows all along. We can rest in that.