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All the Things I'm Not Suppose to Worry About

Brrr Wooly! It's really hard to think that in a little more than a week, we will be in warm weather.  This mind game isn't just because of the weather.  All of us, in this house, are unspeakably busy trying to wrap up school and exams for Christmas vacation.  I'm too involved with grading tests and settling restless kids to even think of my suitcase.  And how do you pack for warmth when you are bone cold?

I am not brave and calm about all the things that could go wrong.  But I am trying to be brave and calm and think instead of all the things that could go right. However, I spend sleepless hours at night unthinking all the thoughts that keep me awake, by replacing these nameless fears with facts. But as everyone knows, facts are hard to come by in the middle of the night.

  Truthfully, I am worried about being stopped at the border with big officials and guns.  I don't know why I think things like this, I have no reason for feeling guilt. Just, border crossings make me feel criminal like.  Probably having to do with all that prior paperwork we've had to do in preparation. 

And no, we don't have proper paperwork done for the children if anything should go extremely wrong.  I almost feel better trusting God about this.  Surely, they already are in the best of care by our trusting family and God.  And not a single one of us can avoid problems and the things that do happen sometimes in life. So I feel better not preparing for bad.  I don't know if this fear or fact talking.

Yesterday my two oldest went up the mountain for a day of snowboarding with a bunch of their friends.  My almost 17 year old son drove the vehicle we are planning to use to pull the sailboat to Baja.  He was responsible for his sister and a friend.  He did a great job but I still held my breath through out the day while I helped my students with their Math and Language and Reading.  And when they texted and said they were down from the mountain and happily eating pizza at Pizza Hut, I exhaled. 

  As much as I know this is futile, this worrying about the kids, my vehicle, the packing, the Christmas program, border crossing, and many other small things, I cannot seem to shut it off.  I have cold sores to prove it. But I totally get trust. HA!  Like fun I do.

I have spoken of this before, I really do not like when some one is not willing to admit their stuff and I also really do not like when they try to sound good and appear to be all figured out.  I can spot a falsehood from afar when it comes to worry.  So I am being completely candid with you and expect it will have the proper effect.  You will help us pray through the next couple weeks of extreme scheduling and fun. Please?

And some of you are scoffing me, who needs prayer, as we head off into warmth and sunshine and beautiful waters to celebrate 20 years of marriage.  That's fine if you think that way. I am married to someone like this. I think it is probably a real trial for him to be married to me, what with all my issues and need for prayers so I am able to have fun.  God made me too.  I think I am not so odd.

I think perhaps you will not hear from me for a fortnight.  When we come back though, I will try to do a few posts of the trip along with  pictures. Blessings and Merry Christmas, Shilah


  1. Ahh, Shilah, you will have so much fun! But you are a normal woman, and a mother, and of course you are gonna have, *cough* "concerns"....what woman who is responsible for others besides herself wouldn't?! won't let them stop you from going and having a grand time with your husband and so you deserve the description of "Brave", too! :) I will pray for you friend! I am happy for you!


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