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Candle Light and Relationships

     This is what I say for broken relationships in marriages today.  I feel the pain, the bitter taste, the stabs and pangs of disappointments.  I have been there.  There was a time when I couldn't see where or how it could ever end.  The worse part is feeling so caught with no way out;  like a prison with no light pouring through the bars.  

     There is a way out.  I know this also from experience.  And it lies largely with you.  You see, when it comes right down to it, the only person you can change is yourself.  It doesn't matter how right you are about your spouse or friends faults.  The only faults over which you have power are your own.

  First steps are baby steps, but the most important ones. They are the steps of seeing that my sins nailed Jesus to the cross.  And they look no different to Jesus than my spouse or friend's sins.  Jesus sees souls. Sins of self look like dirty smudges to Him.  When I clean the windows of my house all the smudges look like smudges.  Same thing.

     I once heard a "Christian" radio program that was talking about narcissism.  They were promoting the thought that being in a relationship with such a person was damaging and only enabling that person.  Also, if this person happened to be your spouse or friend, they had it figured it was best to get out of that situation.

I looked up the definition and found this:
Narcissistic...synonyms are...vain, self loving, self admiring, self absorbed, egotistical, self regarding...  How many of us have never been at least one of those things?  In God's way of thinking those things are just called "sin".  

        God left us instructions to be lights shining in a dark and perverse nation.  I wonder if in His eyes we look like this?  Or does He see only a small glow here and there?  If we are concerned about other's candlelight does our own shine much?  

     Could it be in relationships we are too concerned with how our spouse or friends candle's glow is doing?  Wouldn't my candle glow brighter and better if I took care of my own?   I have found it to be true.  My spouses' faults dimmed when I asked Jesus to be the light on my life aka candle.  The only way to win someone to follow Christ better is to quietly do it yourself.  Behaving correctly no matter what is the best light of the world.  Behaving correctly without words is like a whole chandelier.  A crystal one.

    If you want to save a relationship, ask God to forgive you your judgment of the other guy.  Ask God for a vision of your own sin.  Ask God how to behave for the saving of a relationship.  Humbly love the bad guy, the narcissist.  You have been one too.  Show your light through love and forgiveness.  God's Word says that will win them.

     And after, as healing takes place, your glow will look like this together.  It will be attractive.  It brings peace.
 As you grow in love with Jesus, taking care of your own light becomes the most important thing.  Showing love to your hard person is nurtured by daily laying down your own selfish desires.

     I am set free from sin but have become a slave to God.  The benefit I reap leads to holiness and the fruit/end result is eternal life.  Romans 6:22
 It is worth every painful baby step.
 It is another relationship saved through the blood of Jesus.


  1. Wise and beautiful words, Shilah. Your courage and humility inspire me.


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