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Bread of Life

I stumble into the kitchen with the half light of dawn.  The dawn in winter has only enough light to imagine it is truly dawn.  There is that gnawing in the pit of my stomach still, after having a good night of rest and performing all the proper healthy habits of the day before.  How long will I drag along in this sluggishness?

 I enjoy my work immensely. There is fulfillment in every aspect. It involves a good and happy husband; normal, functional kids that bicker and love and fight. Sometimes all at the same time. Things couldn't be better.

There is the dread of honesty with questions posed: How are you getting through the winter?  Are you fighting depression this year?  Does being busy help?  Well, yes and no.  I would never like to admit to depression.  I guess you could call it that.  Mostly, I think it is lack of sunshine.  And yes, I would say I am getting through just fine. Everyone does eventually and yes, being busy helps.  In a weird way it does.

It's hard to explain it to people who get their energy from being with people.  I get energized through decomposing.  This is done best by being still and reading and writing. Or by being still and staring off into space and thinking.  I feel especially drowsy, weary, and worn if I can't get the time to do those things. So, being busy helps get through the winter, I suppose, if one could do it by being still and staring off into space and thinking and reading and writing.  If this is possible someone should teach me how.

But the gnawing in the pit of my stomach is a deep hunger that cannot be satisfied. Or located.  Maybe it's in my chest or head or elbow.  I'm pretty sure it's in my head.  Most probably in the brain area.  The point is, everyone has an inner gnawing empty spot and it doesn't need to be winter to have it.  And I apologize, Plexus lovers, you can't cover this one.

However, I found someone who can.  He is The Bread of Life.  He explains it so much better than I can.  Here's straight from the Word of God: actually, a few are my words added...feel free to improvise for your situation...That is what Scripture should do...apply as needed to your own soul.

                                         "I tell the truth, (wow, don't we all need that?) unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you." (in other words, unless you suffer with Christ in the human way of flesh and blood, via trials and lack of vitamin D). "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.  For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink." ( what a relief, some realness!)  " Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him." (Now I get to live and be raised and remain that way.)  "Just as the Living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me." (As long as I am feeding on Him, the empty and gnawing inside subsides enough to get through.)

The whole idea is, of course, that we are empty and needy and bottomless in our own strength.  But that is also how we are able to pray, "Your grace is sufficient and You are all I need."  Not until we see our lack, can Christ be our ALL.

And sometimes we get the winter blues.  So what?  What's so great about always being on top of the world?  Shouldn't we have to practice looking up too? I say, go with it.  Do what you can and be OK with the rest of the valley.  He did promise to be there too.  Even if it's dark and bottomless and well hmm, dark.  As long as you are eating of The Bread of Life, the never, ending dark aint so bad after all.

And just because this fits, here is a link for one of my favorite songs these days.

Night Song by Ellie Holcomb


  1. Like our mother says, "it's getting through that matters."


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