It Doesn't Matter How You Feel

I sat in church a couple Sundays ago singing a song that made my skin crawl. It grated on my nerves because of it's undercurrent gloomy, nasally tone. My mind drew a visual picture of an old man with a banjo and a sour face, while twanging out the words through his nose. Two songs later, we sang a song that flowed smoothly and the words were fitted beautifully to the notes. It was classy by far in comparison and the presentation worked better at getting to my soul. The funny thing is that the writer of both pieces of music were written by the same person.

I looked around and saw my friends, women of faith and close to the same age as myself. They all look happy to be singing the same old hymns and listening with attentive faces to the same familiar passages. Were they soaking in a new particular truth? Were they being smitten with a fault or shortcoming? Did they ever say disrespectful things to their husbands as they walked out the door to come to church? If you pinch them, will it hurt? Honestly, sometimes you just want to know if anyone else battles feeling too much, or are they all as composed as they appear? Does anyone else have critical  thoughts of the song or writer or are they truly in worship all the time as they seem?

Sometimes you sit in church and lip sync, you mouth the words because its better than being noticed by not joining. God still knows what is going on inside. Does He appreciate my effort at being grown up and mature by not showing the emotion that is really going on inside? Some people would argue that faking it is hypocritical and not genuine. I have found that regardless of how I am feeling, doing the the thing that is right, (and what is right, is the thing that draws attention to God, not yourself) is what matters most.

My feelings and emotions on any particular subject simply cannot be trusted, they are only the warning signs to be aware of, while doing the factual things that are required.  I can only look at them long enough to view the situation in a proper balance. How I feel doesn't determine how well I worship my Creator, judge people and situations, or how good I am at any particular duty.

I leave church glad that we all bury our true feelings to some extent, that we work at letting God sort through all the rubbish of our emotions and let Him blow away the chaff in our minds. It doesn't matter how I feel enough to say it out loud. It matters more how I determine to live it out loud as God takes care of the too much overflow of my God given emotions.

If you are blessed with being stable, practical, and composed at all times, Praise God for that gift as well. And remember those of us who aren't by extending grace for our times of feeling too much. We need each other for balance and growth. Together we bring glory to our Creator.