Shilah Writes

 The continuing debt of love...I read this in the book of Romans this morning. This is what we owe each other.  This goes against human tendency and natural inclinations. Debt and owing something to others is binding. We aren't able to be free from it. A continuing debt is one that never ends or gets paid off. Only Jesus can do that for us. But His forgiveness of our sins doesn't take away what we owe to each other in the everyday. He wants us to experience His forgiveness of our sins but stay committed to His work through how well we love each other. Staying in debt to each other keeps us humble and kind. Grace then has a chance to soften our hearts and makes us keen to help lift the burden our brothers and sisters carry. I don't know about you, but I really struggle to love some days. So I imagine I am really far into debt on those days. All I can do is pray, Lord, teach me to love... and give me the ability and power and strength to focus on something other than the flaw...

  We finally have winter now that it is almost spring. It is really rather lovely and I don't mind at all. I do not appreciate fully the cold that came with it, as it was in the single digits this morning, but t he glorious sunshine pouring in the windows has been a very fair trade-off. I did a bunch of things that made my soul happy today. I drank my coffee slowly and in large quantities. I journaled and read my usual three Bible passages, an Old Testament, a New Testament, and a Psalm. Bruce had a soothing worship channel crooning in the background, which made it fitting to tell God about a few things on my heart. My Valentine/Anniversary flowers needed a refresh so I did that, lit a few candles, made a pumpkin coffee cake to take up when we go see Madi and Laife tomorrow, I clipped the dog's furry body and gave her a treat, I cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed the floors. And all this writing for the month of February is starting to feel like too much as I also have a couple ...

  We are back home after a much needed vacation. We hadn't even realized how desperately we needed one until we put our feet up and watched the flames in the fireplace and walked to the top of the hill beside the airbnb. To unwind and relax was real and important for two whole days and nights. Johnny and Shaunti and Kiana came home from Florida the following day. Kiana grew up in one week. We are currently babysitting while the parents went to hang out with the youth. Bruce was drinking his cup of cocoa and she took a dive for what was in the cup smacking her lips. Who gave her a drink out of a cup while she was away? How is she interested in that when all she knows is her mamas milk? Do tell! Laife sent a short video tonight of Seth dreaming and making noises while being held by his mama. They call him their little dinosaur for all his noises. I was helping Shaunti unpack this afternoon and we video called Tori so she could see Kiana and watch her baby squeals and kicks.  The...

       Today is our 29th wedding anniversary.  We are staying at a very nice airbnb and enjoying doing nothing but leisurely things.  There's a shower with a rain head that makes me feel like I'm in a tropical forest for some reason. And the tub to soak in is just my size. This morning, I finished my Jan Karon book in the tub while watching a bath bomb twirl and dissolve. I brought our coffee machine and chocolates and flowers. And my basket of journal, watercolors, Bible and computer. We've been talking and catching up and praying together. We are making some big life decisions and coming face to face with how we want to spend the next 29 years. I got a text this morning from a lady I clean house for with news that her sweetheart died in her arms yesterday,  on Valentines day. He has had a long hard fight with bone cancer. I told Bruce and we both cried. Separation of lasting love has got to be the most devastating thing. We took a walk on the old rai...

  I woke up at 4:30 this morning. Not ideal, but I felt rested. I lay there for a half hour thinking about my niece, Maurita and Conner, her husband. Yesterday, a horrible thing happened to them and their young family. He was electrocuted while on a job site. I can't even begin to comprehend what all that entails for them and their two precious boys. We are praying for them. That helps us and them. My sister, April, switched places with Jay today so that she could go home and be mom to the other kids at home, namely, Jase, who had a fever this morning. Christian was going to be released but that was put off at least another day. The list is so long of things to feel bad about and pray for, sickness, and accidents, people traveling, losses... so much grief to wade through. On the flip side. Life is still beautiful. Coffee and Jesus every morning, a workout and getting stronger, a face time with grandboy, the mom and dad...baby Seth is growing fast...handsome little feller... I payed...

  I was thinking about how my words of wisdom as a mom can feel sometimes like blowing into the wind. I get the same "Oh mom", after they hear me preach the same sermon the 1000th time.  I really just can't help myself. Especially when it truths about God I want them to know deeply within their heart. I will preach about my battle song and how being thankful changes everything...because I have found it to be true... Often, I don't even get a response when I sermonize. That usually silences me as quickly as anything, as I really don't like talking to the air and space. Then, I shut up and pray a little. And try to practice what I preach about love and forgiveness. So Mom, this is for you.  I want you to know that I heard you say when someone was "playing God" and sing "God is still on the throne" when they got too forward thinking about science and life or politics. I know the smartest way to shut down gossip is to take your stance of, "le...

  Sunshine, dogs, and a cute little mushroom. Three things that brought me joy today. Bruce invited me out into the Sunshine on one of his breaks today and so I went. I was in the middle of a sewing project, attempting to get it done...sewing projects and I do a little dance around each other until it must be done. Anyway, we went out and stood in a patch in the middle of the driveway, and talked about our boat that we are working on in our free time and refitting for our future dreams and plans. And then we noticed the tree that went down over the fence and made plans to tackle it after work was over for the day. And we did. I held a flashlight while he fired up the chainsaw and cut felled tree into chunks. When we went back in from our afternoon break in the Sunshine,  I sat back down at the sewing machine and the dogs did their crazy tango of growl, bite, and chase each other around the table and island and living room. As the afternoon wore on their antics got even more fe...

  I was going to write about memories today and why it seems the elderly want to sit and reminisce more than the younger generations. I was going to do a little research prior to this to help my musing on this subject and didn't find the time; guess I was too busy making memories that I can ask my kids about later. I will say to Shaunti, "Remember that day in February when you brought Kiana over for Bruce and I to babysit while you and Johnny changed the oil on your vehicle and ran into town. Remember how I fixed you healthy rice and sweet potato bowls with carrots and avocado and beef?  I really don't think so. It was a precious time, Bruce rocking Kiana while I baked valentine cookies, The dishwasher humming, the washing machine whirling, the two dogs chasing each other around the dining room table, Kiana grinning at them and giggling at our blowing bubbles on her.  Then I chopped vegetables for lunch before the diaper change and rocking her to sleep while Bruce ate his...

  On the Other Side of Today...                                                            I was putting the groceries away, thinking about my sister, April, with her son, Christian, sick in the hospital and their terrible night of transfers from one place of medical assistance to the next all through the night. She at home with the other kids, Jay, in his work clothes, no contact solution or toothbrush, the man of the hour to take Christian for help, and all the things that happen when things become emergencies. And how we do it? How do we keep calm and carry on and sleep and drink and eat when all normalcy goes out the window? I've had parts of my week that also came unglued, of which I cannot speak (privacy and respect and love sometimes deem it necessary) but I had to make a choice to stay glued while stuff fell apart. I don't thi...

  It is amazing what utter nonsense one can write when on a timer. I went to a neighborhood writer's club today and we wrote eight minutes on a timer with a prompt: A place you walk by every day.  That was the longest eight minutes of my life as I was writing among strangers in my honest, blunt way and sweating great drops of blood, dreading we might be required to read aloud what we had written. I should have checked first.  Of course the first thing that came to mind was the hoarder's house I pass every time I go over to Shaunti's and I really didn't want to write about that because a good part of the group was from my local little neighborhood of Diamond Lake, and what if it were one of their homes? Anyway, they were gracious and let me off the hook. They did come back to me and asked if I wanted to change my mind. And so I did. And I guess it wasn't anyone of their homes because they all knew the place and gave encouraging feedback to my meandering mind.  I gues...

  Today I went to Spokane with a friend. Coffee was bought two different times. Once at the beginning of our epic trip on the outskirts of Deer park, and the other on the way home. We both always get the 12 oz Americano with steamed cream.  She took me to a greenhouse nursery that I had never been before, we walked the dreamy aisles and talked about terrariums and how to make them. I met a Z plant, one I have never observed before. We smelled plants and the watering of them in the air and were made glad instantly. On to a thrift store where I found my daughter a glass container for her adventures in making Kombucha, a glass bowl for me, a mossy green pullover sweater that I probably didn't need but wanted. There were two books that I would have loved to have when I was a mom with littles. I bought them for a couple moms I know. In Manito park, we walked the Gaiser Conservatory where I took close up picture on my phone camera, for later usage of screen savers or some such thing...

  Monday's 20 minutes... I fast every Monday. I started this habit about 9 months ago. At first I did it for health and to balance the ole hormones and for however else the internet claims fasting benefits you. And then I listened to a podcast by Christy Wright called Get Your Hopes Up. She urged her listeners to try fasting because the Bible teaches it. One of her points was the fact that we are hyper focused on being obedient and disciplined in our walk with Christ, yet avoid fasting as much as possible and view it as outdated. She had a point. I did that whole things of excuses and avoidance. Regardless, I was curious. And I needed peace about something. And real answers. I started fasting for my soul instead of my body. Things I noticed: Hunger made me aware of how much void I felt in my spirit instead of in my stomach. I didn't discern the hunger difference between the two before. That hollow space of need wasn't actually as much bodily hunger as it was in recognizing ...