Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

I feel rusty. With writing publicly. I have not been on a vacation. It has rather been the opposite of a vacation. Is there a word for that?

While I was doing my opposite of vacation, I kept after a daily account in my journal. I filled a small notebook in two months time with my daily thoughts and quandaries. The entries are full of praise, thanksgiving, and adoration for life. Not true.

The entries are full of reality and the goodness of God at work. A lot of the goodnesses are only recognized later. Not on the date given. 

I wish I could tell you that as I packed boxes for storage, and moved into our rental, I stayed fixed and focused on the greatness of our God, that the commotion and chaos did not disrupt me in any way. I made attempts. I did fly to that place of quiet rest. Pretty often. And I might not have pulled off calm and serene, but I did find a lot of peace in making the decision to dwell on the Most High God.

After a couple months of exercising our trust in God for the selling of our house, for the future of our children, and for combatting the fiery darts of the wicked in getting along with each other, I find myself waiting for the shoe to drop. It seems that now after several months of worry, fear, and dread, it has become an old habit. I have no excuse for this. The house did sell. The children are fine despite their own ups and downs...they too choose Jesus. And we did stay after the fruit of the Spirit even though we had family spats and couple's challenges.

I feel like the good Lutheran people that Garrison Keillor mentions in Lake Wobegon. They became so accustomed to unpleasant cold and hardship that they felt uncomfortable if things were going too smoothly. They felt more at peace expecting things would be hard. That what they planned would not turn out. Rather Eeyore-ish too.

Anyhow. I am also going through the Psalms and slowly it has begun to sink in. It is so much better to magnify the Lord...bring Him closer. Exalt His name together. There is much talk of declaring and praising in Psalms. Noise is made about the goodness and greatness and the power of Almighty God. David talked a lot. About his troubles enough to recognize them, but mostly about God and what He does with the troubles of life and living.

And there is hope. No defeatist attitude wins. God and His power is always on the other side of David's conundrums. And then today I read about a merciful and gracious God who forgives from east to west and has mercy extending from everlasting to everlasting...as high as the heavens. Oh my!

So yes, I might not do life well or properly, because I am human, But I choose to continue and trust. I keep doing the thing that maybe doesn't feel like its working but I have confidence it is, because God is not a do nothing God. Amen.