The Walk of Loss

 

First of all, I need to mention a very minimal loss that has happened about three times to me in the history of all my writing efforts. And that is the loss of something I had written. I thought I had even written it well. It was one of the pieces I almost felt good about(a writer is her worst critic).

 Anyway. somehow I click on something to make this well written piece go into the abyss of the computer and could not-no way find it or retrieve it. Which makes me doubt it was any good or that I actually had something worth sharing or maybe even it wasn't the will of my Father that others heard the message I thought I had to share.

Or maybe it was just the timing of things...maybe after a day of mulling it over and and asking the Almighty for clarity on it I have a better perspective. I'm pretty sure though that we have all walked the walk of loss at some point. And everyone feels acutely the pain of losing someone or something, a dream or goal. 

I follow a twenty something person on Instagram who gives her thoughts on the war in Ukraine. She lives there in it and has a perspective that is on the front line in a more real way than any news platform I peruse. I am struck with how much the same the world over, we as humans are the same. The way it feels in sorrow and destruction, she describes in undeniably resonating ways. The longings of the heart, the losses of our spirits and the suffering we witness and experience are truly a part of the human saga that every person feels and somehow tries to make sense of.

In the last year there have been particular private losses that have forced me to take a deeper look at Jesus, to trust Him more fully. I'm still not very good at it. I flounder a lot. But I keep finding out more and more dependance on a good good Father. I have no better place to go with my self destructive thoughts. The doubts and fears and questions one asks themselves when things go way off a planned out route can really do a number on what you thought to be truth. Your lack of trust in the Almighty becomes quite apparent when you are neck deep in a struggle to find reasons for what happened and peace to continue.

The two on the road to Emmaus discussed the life and rejection of Christ in this way. They were torn apart with sorrow over their loss. They talked about the why's and how's and when's, trying to make sense of the sequence and the story. They were so caught up in the tactical, tangible fingers of their journey they didn't recognize Jesus as he walked with them and asked them gentle questions about their sadness.

That's what we often miss in the middle of our heartbreaks. The chapter says 'their eyes were holden from Him'. They included Him in their discussion but weren't able to see it was Jesus who was walking with them. I can't help but draw parallels. I do this. I fail to see Jesus at work because it feels so bad to lose this thing or person. Instead I might resort to trying to make sense of it. Maybe I try to explain it to someone else. I find myself getting busy and staying busy as a way to medicate or block. 

They did have the kindness and manners to invite Jesus in to their meal. I hope I can do that in the midst of a heartbreak, because it seems like that is when they were finally able to see Jesus for Himself, alive and resurrected...a living hope. Again, I draw the parallel to keep walking, sorting and questioning while inviting Jesus in to our turmoil. This is where I see that no matter how it turns out I know my Redeemer lives and is there. Without the losses I might never know as deep down as I do now.