Sweet Manna From Heaven

 I'm mad at myself for being such a thinker. Why do I have to go and study things? Why did I not get enough substance from the word 'steadfast' that I thrived on in 2020? And why did I have to go and pick another one? Also, have you ever thought about what that expression, "sweet manna from heaven!" even means? 

Trust. That's my word for 2021. It's a simple word. Shouldn't be so hard to learn the concepts and ways of trust. Right? WRONG! I'm floundered really. Quite broken and lost. You think you know a thing until you start to court it. Then it becomes a mystery and illusive. Appearing in reassurance only occasionally after you had given up hope. Trust in an Almighty God is the only way. It's for real. It'll hold. But only if you keep yourself and your dreams and desires out of the mix and keep committing those to God. Continually. You have to seek the face of God continually. And be able to pray things like, "Your will, not mine be done" and "tho You slay me, I will trust You"... and mean them.

Since I began to notice the word 'TRUST' I've had to deal with fear. Lots of irrational fear about sailing, about my future, about my kids growing up without me by their side, also about what is considered the normal healthy approach to parenting, home-ing and job-ing. I've had to forgive a few past memories, people, and myself for things that will not change according to my likes or dislikes.

I've had to reconsider that what feels hard and like a curse to me, might be a blessing, mercy, or grace from God in my life. I've had to consciously make the choice to sing of the mercies of the Lord forever and to make known his faithfulness. Even when I'm flat. Especially when I'm flat.

So manna from heaven isn't exactly what I wanted and it's not necessarily pleasurable, but rather it's God's provision for me. It's God's care of me and thought of me and His goodness to me. What's sweet about it is that it's God's provision especially patented to my need. And how this is intertwined with trust? Some days it takes trust to believe that. The children of Israel got tired of manna. I used to feel judgemental about that until I understood the amount of trust required to swallow it, in especially hard seasons of life.

Trust is required to not quit when you're tired and homesick. Trust is required when you absolutely see no way through to the other side. When it's too dark and there is no light, it takes trust to keep moving forward grasping on to truth. Mostly, I'm seeing gaps, lots of gaps that need filling with trust in Jesus to keep calling my manna from heaven sweet.