A Coffee Break Chat and Three Things

I've gotten really tired just doing life. Bare, bald fact. I think people often do exist in a state of exhaustion but avoid the fact and cause by staying busy and 'not going there'. I don't wish to judge, but to speak the truth in love. Why is it hard for most people to...Stop. Drop. And Roll? Or to even admit an emergency situation?

John 7:38 AMP
He who believes in me (who adheres to, trusts in, and relies on me), as the Scripture has said, 'from his innermost being will flow continually rivers of living water'.

Here's the Scripture Jesus may have been referring to...

Isaiah 58:11 AMP
And the Lord will continually guide you and satisfy your soul in scorched and dry places, and give strength to your bones, and you will be like a watered garden, and be like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

I love the admittance to scorched and dry places...Note to self...It is not wrong to admit a need of change and behavior. Especially when something is not working. Definitely not working. You should know when that is. As easy as when you are on fire. But you might be like me where learning comes and goes and a continual need for refreshing is helpful. Anyway...Three huge lessons I've been relearning...

1. A New Thing: This one is hard to admit because its been a long time coming. God had been doing a slow work on my heart, chipping away at a shell of defense I've spent years building. And that was in my relationships. Not to say I had bad relationships...many are and were very good, to a point. But then I would feel pain and suffering from not being heard or understood. So, swipe...I would paint on one more layer of barrier. Especially in my marriage. I woke up one morning this spring and realized that at some point this spiral of not liking what I've signed up for is a choice. That these habits of self-pity and self-righteousness (both things God uncovered in counselling this past Jan) are just that. Habits which continued to plague and follow me around in ghost like manner, lurking in my thoughts, wafting in and out of my subconscious continually.

Obviously, this was a scorched and dried area, but it wasn't my intention. All along I was searching for joy and water in which to soak my poor tired heart. I wasn't trying to be obstinate or sorrowful. I didn't like it...I was working on it...Always. A light bulb finally clicked on while reading this verse:
"The thief cometh not, but for to steal and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10  KJV Once I recognized that it was the destroyer out to get my everything; there was no turning back. Clarity. I am not doing the new thing...God is doing it. When I'm tempted to get all hurt and offended over something big or small, I remember the devil is a thief and a murderer and a liar, and that Jesus is the giver of abundant life. I go there.

2. Listening: If there is one thing that has become super clear in 2020 it is to listen. Bruce lost his dad suddenly, early in Jan. just after God gave me the word: Steadfast...I think I wrote about that on an earlier post...(this whole thing about steadfast... ironic I would choose this word). On the tail end of those long three weeks, we went to Heartcare Ministries in Missoula, MT. a pre planned trip, for much needed encouragement and growth. All while we had two children in two different Bible Schools. Let me tell you, if all those upheavals don't get your attention, I don't know what will. When you are hit with grief and loss and it seems your world is falling apart, you listen. You listen to know the next step. You listen and wait and pray when you are losing a family member or your security in what you thought you knew.

 And then came Covid-19 and racial unrest and an election. And its only July 1. Some parts of listening are surrender and trust. I hear you, God. You have my attention...now help me to see YOU in it. Help me to trust you for the justice and righteousness. I am gonna listen and wait and trust you for my next move. To lay aside personal opinion and agenda is what's needed here, and to seek the face of Jesus.

3. Valued/Worthy/Chosen: God wants me to stop making jokes about myself, my ineptness, my lack of knowledge. And to stop apologizing for someones boo boos. I didn't do it. I am not to blame for anyone's anger, frustration, or bad day. I am the best person possibly to be wife to my husband and mom to my children. I do it better than anyone else because I understand where they all come from. I know what makes them sad mad bad. I also know what makes them feel loved and cared for better than anyone else. Only I can rock this job! So if my man or my kids decide to be ugly and ungrateful about something, I no longer take it personal. I realize their behavior has more to do with their own pain and inner struggles than with me doing it right or wrong. How freeing!

SO...I really get this idea of a river of living water flowing continually from my innermost being as I drink my coffee on a wet, cold morning in July. And I think these three things have helped me to see it.  What is God working on in your life?