Because I am so very human...I ponder my actions, my thoughts. How much of my inner turmoil is the Holy Spirit whispering changes and convictions? How much is just me at war with self?
Because I am so very analytical and opinionated, I cry out to God for mercy and grace. I need it. I want to see my people as hearts, as precious souls. I want them to see me like this too, but I know I deserve when they don't, that I say and do things that offend and trespass against them because I am not unusual and will continue to make ever so many bloopers.
Because I have so much to learn. There is nothing that has made me more aware of my lack of God as teaching has. I have never been so needy of 'all of God' as now. Every mistake shows me more that God and only God can amend what I have messed up. Even so, Sweet Jesus, keep teaching me.
I've been thinking about my darkness and God's light. It seems there are times of stumbling through dimness and clutter, like groping blindly down a long hallway with boxes strewn everywhere. And we stumble on because we accept that we aren't always able to understand and interpret everything in our path.
But really, boxes? And long dim hallways? Why do we accept and settle for this when we can have light and answers and peace?
Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy; when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me. Micah 7:8
For thou art my lamp, O Lord: and the Lord will lighten my darkness. 2 Samuel 22:29
The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple. Psalm 119:130
So darkness IS a thing. I found over 20 Bible verses that talk about darkness and light within the same verse most the time, but always there is a light if you look for it. If you're like me, you forget to flip on the switch or learn to do without and somehow think this is a virtue. When it comes to getting light on a situation, doing without is no longer a virtue.
A light shines when we are humble and needy and ask for it...don't settle for semi darkness. Dare to walk in the light.