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Family Matters

It is a sad fact that I spent the first fifteen years of our family's history trying to figure out if we were a "real" family. From the beginning of our marriage I often wondered, are we a family yet? I mean, before kids arrive, are you really a family yet?

Somewhere in the confusion of having babies and being up all hours of the night; I still didn't know. Real living kept throwing me off. It kinda felt like, after the living room is cleaned, we can be a family. Or, when I figure out how to do the laundry and cleaning and meals in one day then... I will deem myself "good enough" to be called Mom and Wife of my family, then... I will be part of a real family. 

I also made the mistake of having ideals that seemed perfectly normal to me. Ideals such as...Real families, spent a good hour every morning reading the Bible together and discussing world events after which they pray together. Real families spend every minute possible with each other. Real families play together. Real families go to church together. Real families always talk peaceably to each other. Real families don't fight. Ever. Real families are a beautiful picture that makes people attracted to Jesus. On and on my idealistic, pious pieces of "real" would float around my head. 

The trouble was, in my mind, we could never become a real family as long as we were flawed. And we continued to be flawed as long as I was comparing "Us" to those I looked at as being "real families" aka, those that did all those things I thought my family should be doing.

Thank God for Truth, it really does set us free...

Truth # 1. You became a family when you became husband and wife. That is when God said the home is started...Genesis...

Truth # 2.  Your family will never be comparable to another. It is uniquely designed by God to be it's own entity.

Truth #3.  Your family will fight differently than others will. Your family will communicate differently than others will. This is because you bring portions of life's lessons from both your pasts into your home. That does not mean you are a hybrid family, it means you are a new full blooded kind of strain all your own.

Truth # 4. God loves flaws. He didn't come to save and forgive  squeaky clean, well-behaved families. He is our Saviour for a reason. We need one. Everyday. It's because of our flaws we get to learn to love, forgive, and accept each others unlovable parts.

Truth # 5. Be thankful for what you have. If you are only able to have a family devotional time much less than what I thought was ideal, be thankful you can have that. If you find a time slot to go for pizza together before everyone buzzes off to separate meetings, have some fun while you are together. Whether it is less than perfect or ideal, it is what you have. Do something about what you have. Your family might not be the excellent, stellar piece of fine art you think it should be, but in God's eyes you make a beautiful picture. Enjoy the family image you make. 

Truth # 6. Don't wait for perfection, but pray for it. Pray for God's brand of perfection for your family and be open to what that is. It might be completely different from either one of you and your spouse's upbringing; and it could be misunderstood by extended family members. Stay focused to what God uses your family to fulfill and be at peace with it. God is the CEO of homes and families. Trust His divine guidance as you navigate the years of being family. 


  1. This is really good. I'm going to pin for rereading.

  2. "Accept each others unlovable parts". I needed this. (God bless your family journey. ❤)

  3. Because this subject REALLY strikes a chord with me...
    This has been a "submission" challenge for me in our marriage/home... to ultimately trust my husband's leading of our family instead of being hyper-concerned with what others will think. Unfortunately, my being a slow learner has caused a lot of unnecessary stress in our marriage + our little family unit. Both my Father and my husband have been ever so patient with me, though. After too many years of striving, I've found a great freedom in relinquishing my plans, ideals + FEARS to the Architect of families. It's an incredible blessing to be able to discuss and pray about issues + standards with my husband and then REST.
    I appreciate your thoughts.

  4. Yes Heather, my struggle exactly and also same conclusions. It is so restful to finally realize this, but to "stay" is much more challenging. Prayers my friend, we will one day have final victory!

  5. Thanks Charlotte for saying, I needed to hear from my audience today...God is good.

  6. I like this! I had to smile a little at #3. So true. Blessings on your family!

  7. Thank you Rosina, I have been enjoying your blog.

  8. Oooh! I lke the new look! 👌


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