I don't know how to be the wife my husband needs after a day of working in the ER. Things get really bizarre in there. He comes home, which is a short walk away, all wired and tense. I would be too, after hearing some of the scenarios he is in all day, scenarios he isn't supposed to tell me. SO, I understand the why of how he is, but I don't know how to chill about it, ask the right questions, and simply be OK with his pace of coming down off his high.
I don't know how to be a good mom to an almost grown up young man that is holding down his first job. I get to take him to and from work each day because of only having his permit. He is searching Craigslist every spare minute for a bike that would suit his ilk. He cares about name brands, sports equipment, and electronics. I don't know much about any of those things. I don't much care. But I am glad we can still chat about the odd fact or books or music. Meanwhile, I wish I wasn't such an old fuddy duddy. I wish, when he talks of bike parts and ipads, I would hear words that sound like my language.
I don't know how to be balanced and always content with my lot in life. So what if the laundry is never done? Why do I care if we are always out of chocolate chip cookies? Why must I always play the Polly Anna game to get myself back to what really matters? When will it be natural to see the positive side of my life? Why do I always have to practice until I am actually there? When will I be mature and not want to run from every day responsibilities? Responsibilities like driving kids to and from places, schedules, meals, and the proper care and feeding of my husband?
If even one of those responsibilities were taken from me, I would feel the loss. Those things that are constant and challenging are the very things that bring me back to thankfulness.
SO, I'm not so good at being mom and wife, God knows my weaknesses. He knows my strengths. He knows the practicing is what will eventually grow me up into His likeness. God will give the wisdom and strength to love and comfort my husband, to learn how to ask the right questions or maybe not ask any questions. God will be my calm in this world of sick, sick people. I will learn to pray for and have compassion on these sick, sick people.
I walked down to the hospital last evening to say hey to Bruce. An older nurse there was negative about marriage and relationships. She smirked, I thought unkindly, at Bruce and I and our rejoicing openly, of our 18 years together. She said, "You aren't forty yet are you? Things happen after forty." I walked home feeling like I have six months to a year left of having a good marriage, sorta like having terminal cancer.
Later, after Bruce was home from work, he went to the living room to sleep to stay cool, I stayed in my too warm bedroom and prayed for him and the people he had contact with throughout the day. My old self was tempted to be sad that we weren't together, yet, I sensed he needed to be alone. Instead, I was thankful he was home. Here, at home, that was what mattered most. Sometimes, its best to choose to see the good in a situation and to be thankful for what is. Sometime in the night, he crawled into bed beside me. I fell into a deep sleep of inner calm and contentment, something that had alluded me earlier, possibly because of the discouraging attitude of the lady prior that evening.
Or was it? Could it be more about what my attitude is? If I am thankful and surrendered to God at work in my life, then stressing about whether I am being a good wife and a mom is really not so important anymore. I'm just thankful I have a man who loves me and God, that I have kids, healthy kids, that are learning to work and are growing into godly citizens and hopefully, kids who will eventually bless others, who are blessing me today because they are mine.
I don't know how to be a good mom to an almost grown up young man that is holding down his first job. I get to take him to and from work each day because of only having his permit. He is searching Craigslist every spare minute for a bike that would suit his ilk. He cares about name brands, sports equipment, and electronics. I don't know much about any of those things. I don't much care. But I am glad we can still chat about the odd fact or books or music. Meanwhile, I wish I wasn't such an old fuddy duddy. I wish, when he talks of bike parts and ipads, I would hear words that sound like my language.
I don't know how to be balanced and always content with my lot in life. So what if the laundry is never done? Why do I care if we are always out of chocolate chip cookies? Why must I always play the Polly Anna game to get myself back to what really matters? When will it be natural to see the positive side of my life? Why do I always have to practice until I am actually there? When will I be mature and not want to run from every day responsibilities? Responsibilities like driving kids to and from places, schedules, meals, and the proper care and feeding of my husband?
If even one of those responsibilities were taken from me, I would feel the loss. Those things that are constant and challenging are the very things that bring me back to thankfulness.
SO, I'm not so good at being mom and wife, God knows my weaknesses. He knows my strengths. He knows the practicing is what will eventually grow me up into His likeness. God will give the wisdom and strength to love and comfort my husband, to learn how to ask the right questions or maybe not ask any questions. God will be my calm in this world of sick, sick people. I will learn to pray for and have compassion on these sick, sick people.
I walked down to the hospital last evening to say hey to Bruce. An older nurse there was negative about marriage and relationships. She smirked, I thought unkindly, at Bruce and I and our rejoicing openly, of our 18 years together. She said, "You aren't forty yet are you? Things happen after forty." I walked home feeling like I have six months to a year left of having a good marriage, sorta like having terminal cancer.
Later, after Bruce was home from work, he went to the living room to sleep to stay cool, I stayed in my too warm bedroom and prayed for him and the people he had contact with throughout the day. My old self was tempted to be sad that we weren't together, yet, I sensed he needed to be alone. Instead, I was thankful he was home. Here, at home, that was what mattered most. Sometimes, its best to choose to see the good in a situation and to be thankful for what is. Sometime in the night, he crawled into bed beside me. I fell into a deep sleep of inner calm and contentment, something that had alluded me earlier, possibly because of the discouraging attitude of the lady prior that evening.
Or was it? Could it be more about what my attitude is? If I am thankful and surrendered to God at work in my life, then stressing about whether I am being a good wife and a mom is really not so important anymore. I'm just thankful I have a man who loves me and God, that I have kids, healthy kids, that are learning to work and are growing into godly citizens and hopefully, kids who will eventually bless others, who are blessing me today because they are mine.
I came back to read the comments. I need as Much wisdom as you.
ReplyDeleteThere may be a yeas of this and in the end of all this growing for Bruce and You and your youth, all will know , you helped keeping you and yours and all of it together; seems to be a mother's job and priviledge.
ReplyDeleteGrandma Ruth